cry to be heard.
shout to be silent.

I wish reincarnation was true
So this wasn't the last version of you
You'd be born with different eyes
But have the same soul that never lies

See the colour of your hair will change
But that's just like you anyway
And we might be different in age
But we'd be the same as yesterday

To some yesterday isn't a lot of time
But you were in so many yesterday's of mine

I get angry at you a lot these days.
Not for the drugs
Or for the intermittent appearances like a commercial during my favorite show
Or for the arguments you couldn't bother to hide from me
Or for the distaste you held for my father so ******* proudly that anyone on our block could tell you about how many near fist fights my mom had to pull you out of
Or for the times I'd find you locked away in your room crying so ******* hard you couldn't speak or look at me
Or for the times you got lost in space while I was talking to you about important things

No. Not for these beautiful moments of you in your rawest forms.
I get angry when I remember how much I ******* loved you
I get angry when I remember your favorite foods, and sounds-
I can't even ******* look at Mickey Mouse anymore without almost breaking down

I get angry because I remember how easily you could calm me down and help me regain control
Because out of EVERYONE in that household, you loved me enough to figure me out.

I get angry because I took the time to repay that respect just to have it spit in my eye
I get angry on the days I think about my childhood and remember how you smiled but not the laugh.
I get angry when I remember you telling me not to be a cry baby, each and every time those floodgates break
In fact I heard it three times when writing this

I get angry because now, as an adult
I can see myself following your foot steps
And I've never been more proud
And I can see that I've outlived you; surpassed the place you left your last mark
And I am hurt that I no longer have your portrait like footprints to guide me
I get angry that you made yourself my older sister when you saw I had no one
And that I loved you so much your death still brings me to shakes 15 years later.

I get angry because you died
And more importantly
No one said you were allowed to do that before me
And I get angry because I know that wasn't your choice
So when I picture the last time I saw that car
And imagine what it was like with you still in it
I bleed myself in your honor.

So I'll run
I'll run so ******* fast and far it'll make you think of when we used to foot race
Or when we played tag together and I was always it because you were too quick

I'll scream in rage and in fear
I'll scratch my arms and slice my fingers until my skin matches my carved out soul
I'll rip the Earth apart into nothing but my love for you
Until the day I can end this good mourning
By hearing you sing your bird like chime
"Good Morning, Get up, Let's go"

Summer is suffusing the air with ease,
While winter begins in my eyes,
I am overcome with this lingering and lonely breeze,
There's so much pain in the sunset at day's demise.

This demise is like that of my dearest dreams,
When I awake to a frozen mourning,
I am languid and lame while my cautious soul screams,
And I make it inaudible, I suffocate its warning.

Shame on my mind and my synthetic skin,
I am rain, I am weeping and sombre,
While wearing sun's silk and casting calm as my kin,
My budding flowers are quickly wilting beneath my old armour.

i regret all the times i said leave me alone
you put up with a lot and asked for so little
a little love a little time
a little something from me

but any time i was stressed
or bored or
upset or

you wanted attention i should have known how to give
all i had in me was Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone and i regret it because

i didn’t actually mean it
to happen but
you did

It's the 3rd of May
Time to make haste
Knock the teabag, watching her sway

I thought that day
Father must have done the same
What would he have changed
Being one critical call away
Before his son marked a grave