Fractured mind;
tattered soul;
a body in ruin —
that’s me.

Morbid thoughts;
frozen heart;
bloated fingers —
that’s me.

Despair and hope.
Love and hate.
Cruel tenderness —
that’s me.

A smoking gun,
a flawed someone
perfectly imperfect —
that’s what I want.

Silence,
Licks up the air around you,
Intakes it all,
Constricting your very thoughts, fears, feelings, pains until...
Everything goes black

So you want to make me?
A moody?
Ok, here's what you do.

Have a caring soul.
Tear that soul's heart to pieces.
Then try to reassemble those parts.
If you are successful, put that heart inside of a body that is fat, too tall. and not noticed by anyone.

There you have a moody.
Caitlin Moody.

The cold winds come as we fear
The silence echoes as it nears
As you sow ; shall come dear  
None can Change the prophecy
As the rufescent clouds appear !

You were my umbrella and my parasol
Always sheltering me,
Always protecting me.

But now that you are gone
I cry tears like rain
And burn inside like a flame.

An umbrella and a parasol
Protecting me
From the moody
Weather
That is me.


F.Z.N

All the things you've said
     that have struck me down the most
     were said as nonchalant utterances,
     or disguised as whimsy and play.
But those are the ones
     that dig in the most,
     drill into my core
until I'm so ******* and hurt
     I want to spit your venom
     right back at you.
Your words work their way
      slowly through my system,
     steadily poisoning my thoughts.
And it's the worst when I'm alone,
     with only my now-tainted mind
     for company.
Problem is, sometimes
     I feel that same loneliness
     with you right beside me.
So, despite your ardent claims
     to the contrary,
I'm quite unsure of your ability
     to handle my capriciousness
     for the long-term.

this feeling just doesn’t go away,
it doesn’t run into the corner and disappear for a night
or two.
it stays and invades the ropes of my mind,
makes me hate, and love with such passion that
I know it will drive me insane.

but the worst parts are the downfalls,
for as much as I love and as much as I topple,
head over heels and body over brain,
you will still not be mine when I roll over
in the morning

and that’s slowly taking its demonic toll
on my legs as they shake all through the halls,
and my lips as they quiver when I say your name,
and my mind won’t ******* shut off anymore
not even for a night, not even when I shove it
into the corner where there’s not much light at all.

I wish I could understand
Why you do the things you do
I don’t understand why you have to be so mean
And get so angry over dumb things
I don’t understand why you never think you’re wrong
How do you not second-guess yourself
Are you just that confident
Or just that stupid
I don’t get how you can go from love to hate
In a matter of seconds
I wish I didn’t have to wish I understood you
Why can’t you be the adult for once
You don’t care about anyone but yourself
You only pretend to
But still,
I just wish I knew
Why you do the things you do
Because I’m hoping
Maybe that would make me feel better
About the things you do
And the words you say
But I’m afraid that if I find out
It will only hurt me more
But the fact is
that I will never figure you out
And I’m learning that
Maybe I don’t want to find out
Maybe I don’t want to validate or give a reason for
Someone to be
Such an *******
-{ksf}

Should I be concerned
about the fact
that your feelings
mean nothing
to me?