Pensive moments
Aglow with mellow candlelight
Counting rain drops
In the night


By Wyle Tan
@ Puchong, Malaysia, December 2018

Over the last few weeks,
I prayed to the blood orange sun,
That was setting beneath the pastel backdrop,
And tinted clouds.

I asked for the peace that I've been searching for,
Only to find gusts of wind,
And lack of warmth,
Be the response.

black moods bind me
raw nerve endings
which light exposes
with a flash of recognition
caught by your gaze
exposed like a photo
in a darkroom
pitch black deepens
in this echo chamber
pulsing with heart beats
a place where fear resides
waiting for light to return

My love,
I am totally dependent  on you,
Do not force me,
Do not hurry me,
Expect less from me,
I am sick,
Let me rest.
Be there for me,
Kiss my cheek,
Love me,
Hold my hand.
I am muddled and lost,
I need you to manage my everyday tasks,
Tell me how, simply and clearly,
Give me a sense of dignity,
Help me to focus.
I may become aggressive  dear,
Distract me,
Lessen noise around me.
If I insist on wearing same clothes,
Buy some more pairs of the same.
I need you my love, more than ever,
I need your love and care.
Please don't be angry,
I know you have a lot on your plate,
It is difficult for you,
Please put up with my terrible
moods,
With you around I feel safe,
I feel happy and comfortable,
Be there for me till I am gone.

my mood shifting like the wind
feels something like whiplash
pleading for it to end
knowing that when it does,
I might crash

I’ve never felt so chill
then thrown into a rage
while my body remains still
my heart beats harder,
behind my ribcage

I long to return
to my joyous smile
for happiness to burn
behind my eyes,
once in a while

I’m ready to go back to
the person I know I can be
I’m looking for a breakthrough
something that could finally
set me free