Couldn't sleep again-
I woke up feeling lonely-
It's only Monday.

6:32 PM
11/2/20

We’re out of place. Are we out of our minds?
You deserve better, I’m scared of what you’ll find,
About me, about my past. Some things I can’t explain,
The last thing I want is to be your source of pain,
So spread your wings and fly far away from here,
Listen to your heart, run away from the fear,
You don’t know me, the dark side of the moon,
You don’t know the side of me that’s out of tune,
My heart tears apart knowing I made you cry,
With my baggage, I’m broken, I want to try,
I don’t want to drag you through the dirt,
With my emptiness and with my hurt,
So before I break your heart in two,
Run far away because I cannot catch you.

Soft brittle days
distorted symbols and colors and noise
grieving music
I just don't fit in

Maybe it's something
i'm missing
that I will never have

maybe I wasn't made for
sunny days
maybe I was made for
laughter in the rain
maybe I was made for
bright pink umbrellas
maybe I was made for
bright red rain boots
maybe I was made for
bright yellow rain coats
maybe I was made for
gray days

Maybe it's something
i'm missing
that I will never have

Delightful frustrating week
every hour is Monday
I changed my hair
because I was tired of all the darkness
but could you draw the blinds?
the sun shines too bright
and I'm tired

I want to be wild
I want to be tame
I want to break something, without taking the blame

I want to stay in my room
I want to be less alone
I want to go travel, without leaving home

I want to play by the rules
I want to start cheating
I want to get rest, without ever sleeping

I want to be drunk
I want to be sober
I want to grow up, without getting older

I want to keep it together
I want to keep crying
I want to be obedient, without really complying

I want to stay silent
I want to be heard
I want someone to talk to, without speaking a word

I want to starve myself
I want to keep eating
I want to be acquainted, without ever meeting

I want to stay single
I want to be married
I want to be in the ground, without being buried

I want to be feared
I want to be loved
I want to cut myself, without cleaning up blood

I want to get better
I want to stay ill
I want to stop hurting, without taking the pills

I want to be noticed
I want to be see-through
I want to want life, I don’t want to need to

I want to keep living
I want to just die
I want to say “hello”, without saying “goodbye”.

A roach came to work with me
in my shoe.

It's a true story.

I shook him out of my laces

And he joined in with a new group
of bugs on the ground.

He can get renter's insurance for
$10 a month.

I'm back, eating lunch in the car
by the path.

And cake.

That's a start.