She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen
And I might yell and scream at times but
She is worth every pain I went through
And if I knew that this kind of love existed
Maybe I wouldn’t have broken my own heart so many times
I kept aiming for a target but missed it
But on this round I hit the bullseye
She looks up at me with her eyes open wide
It makes me feel as if I am her entire world
This little bundle...my little girl...
Has entirely changed my life
Finally I might be able to enjoy something
Flowers bloom in the cracks that once engraved my heart
There is not a single part of me I wouldn’t give for her
Through this, a realization is spurred:
Finally I might be able to love myself
Because she is just an extension of me on the outside
Like an ocean tide we will ebb and flow
When I feel low I can stare at her face
And understand that I belong in this place

What a place, oh what a place
a place so strange to rest one's face.
Three people parked for the night instead of cars.
No ordinary family should sleep in such a space.

This was normal in our case.
This is what we did.
We'd sojourn from here to there.
Sometimes at a nightly rate,
sometimes with men who bore not my father's face.

I remember one smokey spot
where drunk men found women to chase.
There were rows of open green and sticks and smooth round stones.
Crashing and clinking and cheersing
while whiskey went down at a freakish pace.

A steady stream of Shirley Temple and a roll of quarters could keep me busy for hours.
As long as I didn't sit on the stools
or get too tired you had all the time you could waste.

I had to sleep eventually
so you let me sleep while you went and watched the horses race.
I woke in a teary terror in a silent and empty place.
I dialed my dad, hid under the covers

and grabbed a kitchen knife just in case.
That was the end of our run mommy our time together was done.
You fell ill shortly after all this and  you died in a feverish haste, in a feverish haste.

Don't spackle the bowl you nasty troll.  Did you think your mommy would clean it up?  Ah ah ah...don't say a word just grab the brush before I make you drink from your cup.

A life without a mother is like fighting a war

alone.

Take me to the bus
Hold my hand and tell me how you feel.
Because those moments felt so real.
Mommy and Daddy couldn't so you were my ones.

I can recall curling around your back,
Like a dog does on your bed just to feel that security.
Just teaching me about the world and seeing me reach to a new level of maturity.

Being there to hold my hand and show me the way was the life, until those nights where I said goodbye.
Even on this night it's hard to forget your love and affection.
Now I just long for that same attention.

Momma can't give it like you did,
Daddy can't make up for those moments we spent stealing grapes at the store.
I don't mean to make then sound so low but,
There's no way to without speaking these true words.