where do I go from here
alone, afraid
craving your arms and not knowing why
is this feeling as real as
the sun so bright?
or is it just snow melting on my flustered cheeks
its substance dripping off skin like
the way your eyes waver from mine
but I cannot catch it on my bare palms
because while this loneliness swallows me whole
being a part of something more  
would leave me just as ruined

this love holds a knife against my throat
and cuts ribbons into my skin
with every lingering thought of you
is my love a sin?
is my sole purpose just another flaw of my being?
crimson blood upon white walls spell it out
not in my native language, of course
I guess my heart will never know
if I was just meant to be ****** in the hands of this curse

ultimately,
we would be tragic
but I cannot keep my thoughts off this temptation
even though I don’t know if this is what I want
and you could easily crush me
between your fingers
because I am as small as
a spider wafting along the breeze on a thin strand
of who knows what
practically nothing
that’s what I am
that’s what we are

In and out
Breathe
Stay strong
I'm trying
Stop cutting
Be a good girl
Smile
I can't
Hopeless
Waste of space
Disgrace
*I know

Plastered to the atmosphere
Breathing in my almost fear
Of being lost or being here
Or being the cry I've begun to hear
When I've become dust in the stratosphere
When the sun expands and burns away
A million cells of human display.
Like the H from two O
All my senses begin to go.
I'm the afraid and lost
That comes with the daunting cost
Of my life unraveled
Like a galaxy untraveled.
I've fallen into space.
I've finally found my place.
I'm nothing in a galaxy of existential being
Not worth hearing. Not worth seeing.
Just a little star dust
Cast out from the sun
But life broke my trust
And the universe won.
--Emily Rutledge

We* often *Owned, what We don’t Own.
Being  Possessive, We become Invasive.

                 - We often Neutralize, what We can’t Realize.
                     - Full Realization comes after the Actual Destruction.
Creating our own Ending.



*© Pax

When was our first kiss?
I wondered what you tasted like.
To this day I am dismissed-
though scandalous was our first night,
for me, it was still real bliss.
Not because you weren't him-
but you were you,
and not because it was a sin,
but you were you,
as much as now, and as much as then.

Never have I seen death so beautiful until today..
He came into my dreams and we took a tour of the world.
I have never had such fun, I have never laughed so much.

It was painful to watch such a "live"  soul accused of such crimes.
I mean he is the sole reason why we keep photographs and portraits
In everyday life we appreciate what we have and cherish it because death inspires us to.

Never have i seen such beauty wrecked, but then again that humanity,
we wreck everything we touch and blame it all on evolution and development.

Death visited me today and never have I felt such warmth and love
Death visited me today and all that I saw is a misunderstood being.
Death visited me today and never have I been so content.

It was all so sudden;

That he carried such heavy burdens;

And nobody knew how grave they were;

Until he passed away;

He left them in his will, you see,

For the whole family tree;

A house, his money, and love;

That's what he left for thee.

Not everybody understands;

But then, what does anyone,

Understand,

About

Her father's death?

It's too late
They said as her petite frame
Spiraled then plummeted into the sea.
She's already ascended like a dove,
They felt no need to hesitate
At proclaiming the unfortunate's fate.

Always quick to hate
What they cannot annotate
Yet so eager to love
The greatest of us
Reborn from our ashes.

She took the leap
Not to cease
But to breathe -
Through airborne lungs
To see-
The greatest moments ignite
To fuse-
With an infinite moment in time
In one fleeting hope:
After the waves
Drew her lifeless limbs away,
After she slept
On the ocean bed,
Her words might eminently thrive
Though no one heard while her lips held life,
Their once-deaf ears would at last listen
To a phantom's composition.

Guilt eats me up
Serving 'my heart'
as the main course

breaking at your
whole hearted trust
Each second hurts
Drink up my insecurities.

Wanting to be open
But can't stop now
Thoughts stuck within
No mouth to brain connection.

Put the moment on hold
Enough to make me squirm
My brain screaming
Come back later
'Do not disturb'

Shut down
Water, drown.
Severed connection
Zero detection.
Self-destruction
Darks *seduction.