I knew what you
                          were from
    the very beginning.
I saw you from a
                 different angle.
All the others saw a sleek and slender form.
Thin bones that were jam-packed with dreams.
When I looked your way,
I saw
myself,
misunderstood, and
wandering. Lost.
But the way your eyes lit up when you saw me-it
was enough to let me know that
I had
been
found.

What happens when the good girl goes bad
like the spoiled milk she left out?
Because I couldn't seem to get up.
I think it was something about acknowledging that I'm alive, I'm here.
Wouldn't it all be easier if I wasn't?

When the good girl goes bad
because she worked her *** off on that paper and only got a C.

When the good girl goes bad
because the world doesn't treat her right,
but I guess it must because that's
how come I'm the good girl.
Not my depressed sister sitting in her room;
not my other sister running around, destroying everything I had to work for;
most definitely
not my other sister who always seemed to be your favorite but is now smashing plates in our backyard,
'cause I guess that's what happens if you get too close to you.

When the good girl goes bad,
you get angry because
I'm supposed to be your perfect child
not supposed to be
your ***** up child
your lonely child
your lazy child
your anxious child
not supposed to be
your good for nothing child
your dysfunctional child
your doesn't give a **** about anything anymore child.
why don't I ******* give a **** about anything anymore?

When the good girl goes bad
your life falls apart,
because clearly
you had enough to deal with already,
because clearly
this is all my fault,
because clearly
you don't have the time to face your good girl
and
because clearly
that's all on me.

When the good girl goes bad
because you left her out on the counter all those years, sitting there to rot.
And though I know that you can't waste your time putting it away, 'cause you never cared for it anyway,
maybe you shouldn't have bought the milk if you didn't want to drink it.
And I know the milk should take care of itself
but I tried and that only works for a couple of years
before the good girl gone bad falls far off the counter, spills across the floor,
and the only thing left is to throw that nasty old milk away
because your bread, eggs, oil, etc. need your attention
and it's just too late for the good girl.

When the good girl goes bad
because she never asked to be the good girl
or maybe I did, I don't really remember,
but not like this.
I just wanted to be loved
but little did I know that
the good girl just sits there
keeping herself afloat,
but the boat can't guide itself if it wasn't given eyes.
The boat can't patch itself if you keep telling it its still brand new
when its really old, broken, and covered in holes.
You shouldn't put a boat in the water if you know its going to sink,
but I guess you only really need a couple good boats
so you can just toss the good girl.

When mama's little good girl goes bad,
she feels guilty
because she was told she'd always be
the good girl.
Though, its hard being the good girl when you don't have any windshield wipers for your tears at night.
But the tears at night aren't supposed to exist
because
I'm still mama's mother ******' good girl,
just...
please pretend I haven't gone bad.

I know I should be grateful
because I have all to be:
I've got a house and food
and people to bother me;
And I know I should be grateful
to be made someone someday,
why I'm not a can't say.
We made things harder by making them easier,
I should think about school,
about grades and the rules
I should keep myself busier!
I shoud look myself more tidy,
I should speak like this and that,
Your baldness and healthy skin
are caused by the same hat.
I should be so much
that I don't want too!
I'm thinking of Greek afternoons, and islands and butterflies...

Though this world is full of people
There is no one for you
You are entirely alone
You observe a film and catch a bird's eye view of a giant size city
You see the enormous buildings
Uncountable windows
In every window there is a light
Where there is a light, there is life
So many people you think
How is it possible that I am alone, you say
Every time you reach out to be loved
It crashes on barren ground
Most don't understand you
And those who do
Only understand a small part of you
Forever giving of yourself
Yet never receiving
A soul in anguish
Yet you know that out of darkness and despair creativity comes
You long for those short lived moments
Like a flower that blossoms in season
Only to wither away when the moment is over
Trampled underfoot by the clowns of this world
The ones who know so much, yet actually know so little
The ones who base their cleverness and worth on their fattened bank accounts
They say we are all equal and deserve happiness
Really now???
Or has our life path been carved out before the beginning of time
Some to thrive and others to suffer
Like Judas was chosen to betray Jesus
I'm sure he just fulfilled his role in life, somebody had to do it
Yet it's human nature to question why you are devoid of Love
Have I done something wrong in a previous life, you ask
Afraid to smile in case it gets wiped off by the reception of bad news
For the vulture is forever watching while sitting on the perch
Waiting quietly like a scarecrow in a field
For when you fall he will be ready to devour

Sad soul looking for something in life to inspire me
Used to be
Nothing could stop me now
I'm just too ******* tired, see--
Life with ease
Just isn't in my expertise  
"Could you be less dramatic, please"
Not really, actually...  
Usually
I don't talk about it--  
I keep it to myself
Hide all my problems on the highest shelf
Note to self
If you need help
Pop a pill and let it melt
Watch as colors blur and stir
Forgotten feelings of
Pure bliss
Weightlessness
and happiness
you thought had Died
along with your innocence
It's ******* isn't it
But picture it
You are a blank canvas
You are a lotus flower
Rising from the black abyss
Blooming zooming moving
Towards the top and the sky doesn't exist
But clouds have a funny way of providing more than just rain
The white is stained with pain
You feel like all your molecules
have been rearranged
The world looks strange nothing in it's right place
It's cool just go get *******
Let the poison erase
All but a trace
Say goodbye to this place
You're moving on
Way past gone as you try to remember what it was like
To feel normal
Like lyrics of a forgotten song

Sometimes I feel like I am a river
Flowing and carving a course without any control gravity pulls me the moon tugs me I am helpless can you blame me for wishing I could just evaporate and become nothingness?
Sometimes I feel like I am a tree
Growing slowly wise and old seeing things around me witnessing the world people carve their names into me I am scarred but my bark is rough and my leaves withstand to feel the warmth of the sun and the cool night air would you blame me for hoping I have a purpose?
Sometimes I feel like I am the wind
Traveling endlessly restlessly stirring leaves on the ground hoping I cause change that I will be felt and heard I am powerful at times and playful at others I am a welcome presence to people in need of a light breeze to cool off should you blame me if I am only searching for a place to rest?
Sometimes I feel like I am a cave
Tunneling deep into the earth I am dark and beautiful and dangerous the sun can't touch my cold stone walls I am cavernous solitude in the velvety darkness do you blame me when I can't let you shine a light within me?

She doesn’t even know I dance,
rhythm is a dancer,
my heart on my sleeve of armor,
a snake charmer moving faster and faster,

no boa constrictors,
more of a cobra that stays sober with business,
denying these pythons in nylon at all cost,

might be a viper,
might be the remedy for these toxic enemies,
the medicine to defend against the poisons in these city streets,
can’t call I’m all lit it’s a vibe thing and I’m busy vibrating,

go ahead and blame the boy in us for being so boisterous,
and being industrious enough to avoid the poisonous cottonmouths,
can’t trust these snakes these days more Chimera than Ciara,
as the World floods we just keep burning down the house,

in a constant state of affairs,
caught up in the nostalgia of Yesterday’s tomorrows,

we realize that this life we live is ours,
and that’s why we have everything except doubt,
meanwhile they’re still wondering,
who let the dogs out,

so we run in the sun,
swim in the ocean,
and make moments,
so we’ll hopefully be remembered,

even though I’ve got a terrible memory,
and you probably do too,
you know memory is a funny thing,
there are 2 sides to every truth,

well actually there’s 3,
but I don’t think anyone is counting,
because at this point in time,
we’re just happy we’re not drowning,

ship so heavy,
sea so stormy,
we fear we might trip,
and sink into unfounded glory,

so what’s the moral to this story,
what’s the lesson in this song,
I guess it’s to remember I still love you,
even though I know I was wrong,

so when they notice we’re gone,
and ask where we went,
tell them we were here in this moment,
and now we’re gone with the wind,

moving like the hottest God or Goddess,
call me Quetzalcoatl with vocal quotes filled,
within the pages placed into the Mind of our collective history,

let God be Our Witness,
we are Living History,
we are not only everywhere,
we are also everything,

everyone,
that’s ever read the written word,
will understand that this life we live,
is nothing more than a verb,

a fleeting moment of emotional memory,
everything all at once forget everything except I love you,
slash my wrist birth my kids,
no labels no lies, no way only truth,

and the truth is,

She doesn’t even know I dance.

∆ LaLux ∆

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