I miss your skin and the warmth it held,
And its power to warm me in the coldest mornings.
I miss your doe eyes full of care,
Gorgeously painted by an angel.
I miss your old apartment we'd hang out at,
which us more comforting than my own home.
But at the same time, I dont.
I don't miss worrying when my texts were left unread,
and I don't miss worrying when you hung out with that one girl,
Then again I'll still think of you daily
(and I may never stop..)

Dad,

Thank you—for my childhood,

For the safety I never saw, yet always felt.

Thank you for being my teacher through example,

For guiding me not just with words,

But with the quiet strength of your actions.


Thank you for the advice—

Even when I met it with resistance,

Blind to the wisdom time would later reveal.

Thank you for the pain you carried in silence,

For the exhaustion, the tears,

Hidden behind smiles and strength.


Thank you…

For that towel stained with blood from a nose you tried to hide—

A small, unforgettable symbol of all the battles you fought

Without ever letting us feel the weight.

Thank you for being our shield,

Even when your soul was weary.


Now,

Everything is different.

I stumble, I fall, and you’re not here to steady me.

But your voice echoes in my heart,

Your lessons live in my choices,

And your spirit lights my darkest hours.


Now, I face the world alone.

And though I try—each and every day—

This ache, this longing for you,

Is fiercer than any challenge life throws my way.


Sometimes I ask myself…

For how long will this hurt last?

And yet, I hold on—

To your memory,

To your strength,

To the promise I whisper quietly to myself:


Until we meet again.

i drove past your street two times this week
but you’re in a different state
and i’ll never step out of the car.
i want you now as you are,
i feel you believe in me in a selfless way.

two times this week
and i already want to give in,
but what if you have a lover and
she’s soft and patient and so much less afraid than i am?
i’ll make your nights an inescapable daydream,
i’ll never make you worry.

why am i just figuring this out,
that you’re all i needed?
i went to a million parties that i wished i could’ve found you in
but you were in a different state.
i keep thinking i’ll see your face
where you are not
and isn’t that a sign?

if i admit this, will you cower?
will you have not felt every single moment as i did?
i don’t want to misinterpret this.
instead i’ll drive by your street two times
and remember how it felt to be loved,
not wasted.

The days pass by

Faster and faster

Turning into weeks

Months,

Years...


Not a single second

Minute,

Hour 

Or day goes by


That I don't think of you


That I don't wonder 


What life would be like

Today

With you still in it


I may not show it


I may not speak of it


But the longing is there

Deep within


... Always


I often reflect, 

Admire

The strength you had in my youth


No matter what was thrown your way

You tossed it onto your shoulders

And carried on

Head still high


I find myself carrying on the same way

Without you here

I've tossed your memories onto my shoulders

And keep on

Keeping on

Head held high


I can relate to you in that way

And somehow it keeps me close to you


There are layers

Too many to explain in depth

But I know

And I remember 

How life felt with you in it

And I reflect 

I relate


Because I was once 

A part of you


And now you...


Every second

Every minute,

Hour

Everyday

For forever


... Are a part of me.

Some nights,
it feels like I’m running out of air—
sinking slowly into the kind of quiet
that wraps around your chest
and doesn’t let go.

I reach for you in the stillness,
my hand stretching toward
a presence that isn’t there.
The space beside me answers
with nothing but still air.

The days are gentler.
They offer distractions—
tasks to complete, people to smile for,
moments that keep the ache at bay.

But the nights?
They are heavy.
They close in like water,
and every thought grows louder,
shouting in the silence.

Memories rise like waves.
And I can’t stop myself
from wondering—
do you ever lie awake,
missing me too?

Nolan, I miss what you were
You were the sun
You were the stars
You were the planets
You were my favorite person to talk to
You were days and nights thinking about you
You were mostly fine  
  
                             I'll love you until the sun explodes
                             The moon erodes
                              and the earth implodes

I was water
I was air
I wasn't clear
You aren't here

I miss your hair
I miss your clear words
I miss you
I miss you calling me your type

For days I have been

living without him, but hey --


I cannot skip them.

I asked for forgiveness, but you pushed me away,
I wanted you to understand that we were both suffering,
but you left your scent on the sheets,
and I would give anything to be in your arms again.

The morning came, but it left me wondering-
How will I fill this void that you left behind?
The day stretches on, promises long
and I'm alone with no one to ease my mind.

I can't bear this loneliness, I miss you so much,
I have no one left to confide in, no tender touch.
I spend my days looking out the window,
Hoping, still hoping, to have you back by my side.

Everything is falling apart, I'm lost for words,
What will become  of me? The silence hurts.
I wait for you as if you'll come home once more,
But the memories haunt me, and I'm still at war.

I wish for time to make them fade away,
But the past won't leave me, and it's here to stay.
I think about you more than words can say-
Sometimes, I hear the sound of your voice, so far away.

The years pass by, and with them I see
How lucky I was to have you next to me.
I'll wait and I'll wait for as long as it takes,
Never stopped loving you - no matter what is makes.

In the darkness of night, I begged you to stay,
And since you've been gone, I've been lost in the grey.
Under my eyelids, your image is clear,
I was meant to love you - this much I hold dear.

It hurt me to hurt you, the pain still stings,
I've never suffered so much for anything,
But I don't want freedom, I don't want to be free
I just want to stay in the business of loving you, endlessly