i dreamt of you last night
each detail so vivid
that i mourned the loss of you
all over again by morning

i thought
that after endless summers
the abyss between us
grew so large now
that i could no longer
remember your voice
yet there you were
sea drunk eyes sparkling
full of such hope
asking for one more night
as if i was your centre of gravity
your smile brighter
than all the suns

from the first moment
i knew
that our love
was the one thing
i'd never recover from
burning across my sky
like a star falling to earth.

Feeling the warmth, feeling the cold
people come, some people go
and my mind is always wondering
how long you are going to stay

Among the sandals and tambourines
the firefly diamonds and
the sudden silence, the big vendetta
and the scene stealing corpse

Night falls, sleep comes, sand
bugs bite my ankles and I still
hope to see your sunburned face when
I open my bonfire encrusted eyes

Hello, this is Onij. I'm glad you missed my call
I know nobody listens to voicemails but
I'm afraid you gave me something.
It seems to be contagious and I've been spreading it
I see it on their faces, I saw it in the mirror.
The smile you left me with is uncontainable.
My heart flutters at every thought of you.
Dear patient zero,
It is advisable that we should quarantine together
Body to body is the recommended solution
Three times a day, multiple times at night, twice on Sunday
On my knees I'll worship you
Lift you to a state of  exaltance
Dear patient zero
I want to tell you that I...
To rerecord this message press the pound key
To save the message please hang up

Light dances out from the club
It colours the wind
in my net curtain

The rain rustles and splashes
in the greasy gleam of the wet film
over the mud road through the village

A woman and a man appear
and play in their underwear
They push and slide

Mud on their skin, I watch
and undress in the dark
Where is my darling?

Attention is nice

even from a distance, but --


I miss our embrace.

I didn’t forget you, baby—
I’ve just been a little absent.
You see... it’s a boy.

He says sweet things,
Likes my smile,
Says my voice is heaven,
Notices my earrings.

I didn’t forget you, baby—
It’s just that I don’t want to cry.
You’ve held my pain,
Every word etched with blood.

His family seems nice,
The kind from the movies.
He wants to ride a horse.
He makes me blush.

I didn’t forget you, baby—
You seem far away.
I can’t run this fast.
We’ll meet again...
Maybe tomorrow.

my heart still skips a beat
when you send a message,
my phone goes beep beep.

          we're just friends now,
          why does my heart miss beats
          when i hear your beeps?

                  why am i not over you?
                  why can't i stop,
                  stop feeling...

                           feelings so strong, like a thumb
                           hovering over
                                    your name.

i didn’t know it would change.
not like this.
not slowly.
not without a moment to hold onto.

you laughed.
it made me feel safe.
alive, even.
that kind of light doesn’t happen often.
and I chased it.
all I wanted to do was make you laugh.

now it’s quieter.
your name shows up less.
you don’t ask to see me.
you wait for me to reach out.
and even then, it’s different.
you say “maybe” to us hanging out.
like i’m the last person you want to be with.

i used to be in your bed.
i used to feel okay there.
like nothing could break me as long as you were near.

now i’m a little lost.
a little cold.
a little too aware of the space beside me.
between us.

maybe i used you.
not on purpose.
but to feel whole.
to feel wanted.
to feel like i could breathe.

that wasn’t fair to you.
i know that now.

but i still miss you.
i still check my phone.
still wonder what you’re doing.
still remember how your presence softened everything.

i’m adjusting.
some days are easier.
some days are still heavy.
but i’m learning to sit with it.

i want more.
not as much as you’d think.
just a little more.
even now.
even if i shouldn’t.
even if you don’t.

and maybe just missing you has to be enough.
I don’t see another way out.
you totally caught my attention.
and now, i fear how hard it will be to get it back.