i just wanna say i miss you
but you can't talk to me
i'm such a big problem in your life
i wish i could just let you go
but i cant, i cant just not talk to someone
whom i love so ******* much!
but i've made so many problems
andi'm not even worth it
i should just let it be
like you did long ago...

I slept in the darkness, it was lonely
And it was silent without you
One look out my window
I traced your face in the stars above
But the day chased them away
What is this love?
I don't feel the same
And you forgot our love
Like you forget a daydream

And we all fade to gray

I touch your lips,
You touch back.
Brush your hips,
You brush back.
Missing your lips,
The way they kiss back.
Grinding our hips,
The way they grind back.
Ladies come first,
I second that.
First impressions last forever,
                                        And I wouldn't take a second back.

That taste, he will always taste.
His memory misses, what can't be replaced.
Her look, that smile on here face.
Those precious kisses, and how they were placed.

Simple things in Life seems complicated
Brains busy mapping the branching logic
Trying out every possible options
Getting lost in the labyrinth of paths
Losing out on the options given by Life

Bouncing down the tall stairs
Hazel eyes and short blonde hair
Daughter, the first of two
She looked up to you
Mama’s girl was so small
Not like her dad at all

Daddy liked to fish, hunt and hike
Kayak, canoe and mountain bike
She liked all the little girl things
Barbies, crayons and trampolines

Today I sit in your old kayak and gear
And think about us as if you were still here
I wish we could do all these things together
Now we’re the same, but you never got better

In and out of hospitals all the time
Still we all thought that you would be just fine
No answers, no cure and little treatment
But you had hope in the discouragement

Time has passed and you’ve been missed greatly
I realize now just how much you gave me
Your stubbornness, determination and drive
Your deep love and passion of all things outside

Dad, so many things we could do
I want to be back there with you
On the water with that kayak
But nothing will bring those days back

So many things you’ll miss
Stories of my first kiss
Frightening my prom date
Seeing me graduate
Walking me down the aisle
Tearing up all the while

Dad, you are loved and you are missed.

He sits reading the letter from his father
it is a small reach after all these years
and he is not sure how he will respond
his father was a hero – but he wasn’t there.

It has been hard growing without a dad
his mother never loved anyone else and
always waited, and waited, but he never came
he’d felt so let down, this hero, HERO
and he couldn’t even visit his son
he should feel bitter, and yet
being in the forces himself now
he sort of understands.

He wishes his mother was still alive
she would help him come to a decision
she never stopped loving him, always, always
defending his decision to stay away
he knew she would have agreed to his search
she would be happy for him, she would smile
and he would melt, oh how he missed her
how he’d wished for a mum and dad to love.

He would find him and he would take steps
to see him and ask him why he’d never come home
though he already knew the answer. He didn’t know him
and yet – he had always missed him- and now
he needed to know him – he needed
an anchor to his past life
as he himself was about to go away
he too having a child, a little girl he adored
and he was terrified he too would run away
and the thought was more than he could bear.

Was this just an excuse after all these years
or was he going to use his father’s guilt for his own ends
he wasn’t sure, but he knew that he would do anything
rather than do what his father had done to him
he desperately wanted to know his dad
he missed not having had him around but
he missed his mother so much more.

In the midst of all of his confused emotions

He needed answers…would this man give them……..

©Joe Wilson – His regret-the son’s story 2014