I missed you today and the smell of emulsion.
******* like it's a full on compulsion.
Safety pin, pen knife, beard long and grey.
Swearing at the hammers. "I'm just a lodger here" you'd say.
When the weather's damp your big toe gives you trouble.
When the weather's dry, you're on stage singing bubbles.
Overalls, dust sheets, sudoku and crosswords.
If the traffic is bad, you'll hear a few cross words.
That's just today, but as sure as I exist
Every day I wake up is a day you are missed.

It's mind abusing.
I can't stop thinking about it.
It keeps coming into my head.
I try not to let it hurt me,
Because that's what it did too long ago.
It shouldn't still hurt.
There is no reason for it.
It's not like I can change it.
The past has gone and I couldn't have stopped it.
It shouldn't randomly effect me now.
It's all been and gone.
The time that people could sympathise has gone.
It's not like anythings been done.
I should be used to it by now.
I can push it aside.
I passed crying over a year ago.
There's no reason to go back.
Nothing's going on in my life.
I should be sorry for someone else,
But not for myself.

In the place where memories rest
                  Even in the warmth left
                   at the tip of my fingers
              You are there, you are there
                    Your scent, your face
          
           In the place we were together
                     In the moments that
                 I started to resemble you
I was so happy just by walking in the rain            
              with you, but you’re not here

           In the times we walked together
      In the places where the memories and          
           lingering attachments were made
I’m staying there,because I really miss you            
            
         In the place when we were together
     That time when I came to resemble you
            You who really liked even to just
     walk in the rain ..is not here, not here

              In the place we were together
   That time when we could walk together
              I’m holding to our future alone ,
        My hope has also stopped at its place
      I’m standing here, only you’re not here

The sun rose upon me and only me
Or maybe it was a smile divine
Shining bright enough to bring life
To a barren desert and every grain of sand

Those smile smitten grains carried love and life
And warmth enough to drown the darkness of solidarity
Yet, with outstretched hands transfixed
Complacent and indecisively basking in their radiant flow

You'd never think a desert bowl of sand grains
Would slip the grip of any person within so few moments
And yet, and yet, alas, the last slipped through my fingers
And I clenched my fists so tightly blood slipped
Through my fingers and upon the smitten grains dripped.

Gentle words spoken
And laughter
Easy conversation
Speculation and sharing
Stories.
These are the days I've missed.

It feels like warm sunshine
After a perilous winter.
It feels like time goes by
Quicker
When I'm with you.

Everything is a little brighter
Life and my stress are a little lighter.
Yes these are the days I've missed.
All those nights with
You laughing at nothing
In particular.

You make things a little easier
For me to bear
When you're here with me
And I can't help but plead
To God
That this becomes
What I hope it will be.

For all I see
Right now is a hard road
And a heavy burden to be
Planted on my back.
But I think things would be easier
If you were by my side.
I think that's probably why
I hate when we say goodbye.
This can be something special
All we need is time.

the opportunities come knocking
i don't answer
opportunities ring my phone
it sends to my answer machine
opportunity emails me
**I NEVER READ IT

fifteen years, a decade ago
i held on
as i knew
your love
as i knew
your touch comforted me
while you love i missed
as when i held on
you loved