She is alone in a life that was chosen for her
She tries to accept the consequences of her existence
He was alone before his eyes met hers
He tried hard to keep a correct distance

But what if, in another reality, they were meant to be
But what if, in their dreams, they dedicate their lives to them
But if only their together was not only a dream but a reality
But if only, in this ultimate reality, they could speak as a they

Life is unfair, most of the time, for infinite reasons
Alone is her only solution, even if he exists
He knows it, too well sometimes, for the same reasons
And alone she will be, even if she knows he is missed

Blue took the gold and the warmth turned to cold,
Silhouettes all wrong and nothing like your frame of mind in view,
I miss you,
Thousands of miles between your smile and mine,
Connected only by green shapes and black lines,
I wish your dishes were in the sink,
Your coat hanging by the door,
Bits and pieces of you to be seen and to feel you close again,
Weeks are far too long,
But I know,
You are too far gone now.

Had I known

I had would of wrote her more letters and many poems

I would have used our time wisely,
And hugged her much more tightly

I would have forced her to take a deep breath

To truly relax and admire all the beauty she inspired

Had I known I'd let the rivers of love, appreciation, respect, and pride flow....

And flow....

Had I known.....

I would have never let her go.....

Taken to soon
Stolen from this world
Devastating tears fall
For the loss
Brought into this world
To be taken away
Not knowing the answers
Why?
No one shall ever know
Why?
You were taken away to soon
You'll never be forgotten
Uncertainty
As to where you go
Are you standing with me now
Will you be looking over me tomorrow?
Do you see I need you?
I have to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you all my secrets
Tell you what is missing without you
No one tells you it doesn't get easier
No one tells you the pain never fades
Please come back and haunt me
Something to show me you are still there
You were taken to soon

The sun beating down on my face,
The gentle, warm breeze.
The smell of green plant life,
the stench of fresh mulch.
The cooling drizzle of summer rain,
the essence of wet concrete.

This is what I missed.

It's 2 AM
I'm propped against the outer brick wall of an abandoned ******* barrel.
I am 50% coffee
40% water,
10% *****.

The sprinklers pop out of the ground and mist the air
In my arms there's a woman I thought I'd never speak too again.
As puddles form and creep inwards,
Stopping just outside our warm bodies.
I'm holding her, puzzle piece, tightly.

She was my first high school girlfriend.

We saw each other in the same place, every year.
Every single time we had heart attacks.
Chanting to ourselves,
"Please don't notice me."
"Please don't notice me."
"Please don't notice me."

Tonight, lit only by the moon light and the lamp fixtures.
I'm holding her tight enough that we look chimera.
Experimental pieces, combined as one whole creature.
Neither of us, want to let go.

Rewind to this afternoon.
She's sitting on the grass next to our mutual friend
I attempt to pass by, unnoticed.
Tip-toe, heart attack.
"Hey Nick"
"****"
The friend jumps up faster than I can conjure words.
I'm trapped in her embrace.
She introduces us.

She thinks... we don't know each other.

A bulldozer hits the brick wall around my heart
That's been telling me to avoid this sweet girl.
We stare at each other like the sky is falling and we're paralyzed.

I kneel down in front of her and look at her like she isn't real.
She's terrified.
"How have you been."
Saying this, felt like a gunshot.

The recoil hits me as she repeats the same question.
Neither of us, have had a great time.

"So much life has happened...
That whatever we did too each other...
Wasn't nearly as bad as now.
If you want to be my friend, I could use one."

She's quiet, all but her breathing.
It gets heavier, and suddenly, the friend rushes to her side.
"Are you okay?"

"If you need me to leave i will, i didn't want to scare you,
If it's too much to see me right now i can go."

The anxiety fills her body like a thermometer.

It turns red and shatters.
She rushes to me and hugs me tight.

Her heart beats a million miles a minute.
She calms down and a tear drips on my neck.
I hold her close to me.

Finally, she manages to push out two words.
"We're talking."

"I know... it doesn't feel real."

"***** YOU!"
She screams, and jumps back.
"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you needed that."

So fast forward.
It's 2:00 am.
I'm buzzed. and it's freezing.
I've been hugging this girl for roughly two hours.
We both want nothing more then to kiss each other,
But we don't.

Because we both knew,
That was a terrible idea.

I tell her I sang our love song too another girl.
I tell her, I kept the jar of love notes she left me above my bed frame.

She tells me, she reads my poetry.
She tells me she cried, when bapbap died.
She tells me she's sorry, about my job
She tells me she's sorry, about my daughter.

I ask that we not be sorry, for things we can't control.

We remember the good times.
We laugh at them, relive, and enjoy them.

I have so many good memories, that hurt me so badly.
Tonight, I got some of those good times back.
It feels amazing, to just have a night that when
I relive my good memories, they don't hurt,
They Sing.

m a y b e...
if i scream
             loud
      enough...
you won't hear
my heart
breaking

That night we danced until the party was over for some.
It was fun and I wished it always felt like that...and we weren't even together.
It was so loud when I whispered into your  ear  youmissed it..
You thought I wanted to meet you somewhere....
And I wish I had.
Guess we both missed the chance for sparks...