In autumn I found a boy
Who asked me to love him
And said I love you
Only after a party and a few drinks
I was laying in bed
And told my friends about him
They said I hope you're happy
They knew I wasn't

In winter I kissed a boy
Who tasted like alcohol and said
I love you all the time but
He hurt himself whenever I made mistakes
He threatened to leave me if
I didn't do what he said
My friends watched me
They said stay away from him

In spring I spent time with a boy
Who told me it was his way or no way
And when I challenged that
He told me
I love you and that's why I'm doing this
My friends saw the cuts and bruises
They gripped my wrists while I said
I deserve him

In summer I wanted no one at all
And when he walked into my life
I didn't expect to fall
But he kisses like the devil
While keeping all my demons away
My friends held my gaze and told me
Keep him and
Stay

(m.w)

You left me for something

That you used to have and now don’t

You were having temptations for her again

But you don’t realize that she doesn’t want you

The only one that actually saw the good in you

Was me

I was the only one that saw it and wanted you

You would always talk about her love

But you never realized that I was never okay

Especially when you say

“’The one thing I want an unlimited supply of for the rest of my life is her love”

You were smiling and I was holding back tears

But you never noticed

I actually thought I loved you but I was always too scared to tell you

I guess you’re just a ******

My friend saw something about me that was good

They made me go after you because they could tell

I’m sorry if I wasn’t enough but

I don’t know what will happen now

You might as well just leave now

Because the one person that wanted you is stuck here

And you get to leave and you won’t even remember us

That’s too bad because I won’t forget anything

Especially when you call me a liar

You know I would never lie to anyone you told

So I’m guessing it’s just “not worth it anymore”

“This isn’t fair to you when I still love her”

Just go away already

I like  you.

I like  you  a lot.

I want to be bored with you.

I want to hold weekly board meetings over the topic of you.

I could impress the shareholders. What do you think?

     I think you enjoy honesty, and despise flattery.
Believe me, I know the difference. I hope you do too.
I am no wily flatterer
I would never say something like, “I’ll sail to the MOON for you,”
something impossible and irrelevant. With the consistency of soupy puke.
I should just as soon say,
“I WILL jump recklessly from the top of a very tall tower, and land—perfectly intact and unharmed
… for you.”
I hope I am not the only one who sees a problem with this sort of logic.
So instead I’ll say:

Let the madness of what this fixation has turned me into, fuel my fears and my ambitions and drive me therefore, to construct a missile, with enough space inside to harness only myself, enough kick in the engine to erase my past—and all the laws of life as we know it.
I will have those memorized by then, and plan to have my hands on new laws unforeseen by any of the other
mainstream earthlings;
maybe using my new third eye to grasp at something up there that was previously air —
& I will beg this nonconsensual devotion you’ve evoked in me please grant me the derision to press the button, and launch myself into that forgetful lazy river that contains all the planets, asteroids, black holes, spaceships, a lonely-wandering U.S. radio transmitter, spilt-paint nebulas, one of Tiger Woods’ golf *****, a drunken astronaut, some of the crew from that Malaysian airplane (you know, the one that went missing), and also there are suns (often called stars), and moons, and there has gotta be a little love floating around somewhere with the celestial ants
and supernovas
and EVERYTHING.
and dissimilarly nothing you can grasp.

to the Moon?
sure,
why not babe,
if moon-rocks could somehow make you fall in love with me,
I would plan to rob the Smithsonian (or probably a similar museum of history but one with less security),
and if that ended up a no-go,
thenyeah.


     Mad. Zoom.


straight to the ******* moon for you.

That crazy little thing. 
Have you ever been so attracted to someone that you can't even fully look at them. 

Not like you can't look at them like glance at them but you can't rely look at them. For when u pass at just even near them the connection is so strong, so deep that you feel as if everything moves in slow motion for the fear of the electricity sparking and making a new current. 

Eye contact is literally so dangerously impossible for the fear of exposing your soul's window and the curtain being left opened has made you tangled and enraptured so vulnerably not only lost in your transparency but also in how willing you are to be seen and to see the deepest most intense free side of someone. 
Have you ever had a small chance to be with this person. Where all the intimacy of souls and the electrical current could have been placed to start a fire that would have burned for energy and warmth. But instead of being the carpe to the diem you waited and avoided and lost that moment.

I had astounding potential
Such passion
Much drive
Deep conviction
But a habit to lie

I had great potential
Such love
Much care
Deep sympathy
But my character threadbare

I had some potential
A little valor
A little trust
Growing dishonor
Already too much of a goner

I have no potential
Such anger
Much pain
Deep wounds
Time to seal my tomb

with the taste of alcohol
still fresh on my tongue,
I lay in bed.

I wonder about you.
I think about the subtle
way your spine
arches to the side.

I think about your long legs
and heavy sighs as
I bury my head in my pillow.
I miss you so much tonight
I can hardly stand it.

I stay here and count the days
until I see you lay next to me again.

It's ok I understand
You just couldn't love something like this
I just want to say
You'll be missed

I know I'd rewind back to then.
Just for one more smile.
Just to hold you for a while.
Because they were microseconds.

And how I see you now.
Is that I don't.
So I'll rewind back to then.
And tell you a day sooner,
How much you mean to me.

Because you left before you got to see.
All of me.