When I was born,
I cried a lot,
I was ALIVE!
I wanted to stay with the Angels,
But, you laughed and cried tears of joy,
You wanted me so much,
When I died,
I cried only one tear of joy,
I was GONE! No more,
I was going back to my creator,
But you cried tears of sorrow,
I would be missed dearly.
2/5/2019.

I wish you were a tear
next to me when I feel fear
next to me when I feel forlorn
next to me when I feel torn
next to me when I feel ecstatic
next to me when I feel manic
next to me when I feel gleeful
next to me when I feel dreadful
I hoped you'd be more near
I wish you were a tear

The act of grieving.
It’s unlike anything I’ve
Ever had to go through.
Survived through 17 years of
Mental torture at the hands of
A mother who should have loved me;
But alcoholism had her by the throat
          ****.
That never received any justice.
Physical abuse and mental abuse
For years by a man who should have
Cherished me but instead hated me.
12 hours of labor with no medication.
No relief of the spine crushing pain.
And yet the simple act of you dying.
             Of you leaving me behind,
                           In this world without you.
Has crushed and devastated me.
     Leaving me
                          annihilated and listless.
And without

My best friend, my cheerleader, my fan, my sounding board, my dad, my confidant, my partner in crime, my moral backbone, my courage, my strength, my forever compass, my mother figure, my only family.

I don’t know how to exist here.

The act of grieving,
Has left me tired and restless.
And I’m unsure if I’ll finish the act
Or the act will finish me.
   Exit stage…..
                                                        ­        Right.

I miss you,
I miss your hugs,
I miss how you play with my hair
I miss how I am drowned in your kisses.
I don't know why
but it seems that you already forgotten me,
I miss you love,
I'm always here for you.
Your kisses,
Your smile,
Your laughter,
I miss them.
But I miss you the most.
If you ever read this,
Please message me.
Love, I love you.

I dreamt that I saw you
barreling towards me in a sea of people,
and with your arm extended out
to touch me, pushing past me,
and you looked back
with bewildered eyes,
scared, confused,
but not knowing;
I only recognized you when I awoke,
and I'm sure
you'd never remember who I was.