How can I keep on fighting for you?
When you gave up on me so easily
How can I come back to you?
When us I no more see
How can I say "I Love You"?
When I'm no more in love with me
How can I be true to you?
When I don't know how to be

This intense emotion I feel,
In my dark, sacred space I try to conceal...
Wrecks through my mind at night,
Like some strange infectious blight...

I try to make sense of this pain,
To grasp at something, anything that is sane...
But thoughts just whizz by like a train,
Like an everlasting pinball hitting chains and panes...

No one will ever be able to interpret this complexity,
Not even Google, that ghostly reality that we depend on....
Maybe I've drowned to much in its toxicity,
To realise the joys of my own reality....

But try as I may,
Joy seems to just be another word...
For bliss, happiness or just plain gay,
And all that is far away, emotions not felt in my world...

Do you ever feel like you are stuck?
It hits me at a friends house at 3 am when all I want to do is sleep but it’s so ******* hot and my mind is running. No one is awake and all you want to do is run, run away from all my problems or run towards more problems. But I  just sit there stuck because either way there are problems. Why is he still my comfort, why does he make me smile. Why aren’t these the same guy. Why the hell can I not be happy? Why can’t I do this? I feel like I am always at check and just waiting to hear checkmate but it never comes. Every day is different but I feel the same way.

The animosity of yesterday had vanished,
And now the flowers have bursted out—
As a hint to the world that the spring has finally come,
Leisurely, returning the globe its chromatic hues;
While it drowns me deeper into the ocean of colors,
Killing the blue.

The pillow fights amongst the angels have finally stopped,
For it's the fire ball's turn to spread the warmth all over the globe, slowly but surely.
And a smile eventually spread across my face; finally and finally.
Never have I understood the feeling of refreshing,
Until the day of God deciding to create a season that is spring.

I scream, I sing, I cry and cry to the universe,
For I'm home after a long time,
For I'm grateful for being granted another smile.  
And this is the season I have been waiting for,
For I want to lost in the seasons of sadness no more.

—Jane A. Rahman

depression is the *****  i want to punch in the ******* face
anxiety is her ******* side kick
panic dances around with them like a ******* background dancer
well have i got news
im done dancing
this is a fight i will fight
but not to the death
i will not let this **** me

you can’t come into my life
a year or two later and try to make a home out of someone who truly didn’t want to be called home
After all, it’s a dangerous thing because if you have a fallout with the person who you considered ‘’ home’’ so to speak
then what do you do when you suddenly think of all the memories you and that person made
out of nowhere