I was left...
Like...
A gift to be unwrapped...
By wandering eyes...
A specimen on a slide...
Under a microscope...
Examined.
Studied and defined.
Known.
Every inch of me...
Nothing sacred nor anything hidden...
Opened.
Experimented on...
Changed into something I am not.
Altered.
Not my own...
By my own...
But now owned...
By  strangers..
With...wandering eyes.
A species that I now identify
With and as...
From and because of...
For the cause...
Unknown cycles remain unbroken...
And...
Continue to grow...into...
Splitting images...of carbon copies....
Until it's the right size for rage...
And.
Thin lines of demarcation are drawn in the sand...
Inciting double dogged dares of spiritual warfare...
And war wears down the soul...
Not unto death...
But repair...
So that the poison dries and withers away like the chaff in the wind...
And wandering eyes are left...
To wander again.
~Say Dat~
April 2020

Have you ever been confused about how you feel
Because you're not sure what's real?
Have you ever been filled with dread
because you can't get out of your head?
I have too.
Have you ever been picked on in school
and done something desperate just to make them think you're cool?
Have you ever neglected yourself by pushing your feelings aside
Because you were afraid of what would happen if people found out how much you were hurting inside?
I have too.
What I'm trying to say is if you think you're alone, you're not.
Take it from me. If you can find the courage to ask to talk to someone, it can help alot

your filthy hands
           gripped on my jaw,
your grimy fingers
                      forcing my mouth open
                            treated like a dog who won't let go of a shoe
                       defiled
                  ruined
dehumanized

my fault
“well, what were you wearing?”
my fault
“did you not fight back?”
my fault
“you should have screamed"
my fault
"why did you wait to tell anyone?"
my fault
"it just means he thought you were pretty"
my fault
     my fault
           my fault
                 my fault
                       my fault
                             YOUR FAULT.

god, *******
           i ******* despise you
                          pure ****.
       **** of the ******* earth.
do you understand?
               will you ever
                       understand?
                             the longevity of the pain
            that you've inflicted on me?
when you put your
           filthy
               unwelcomed
                          hands on me
        i want to tear away
the flesh
       and skin
                 where you gripped me
                                    

                          *******.

something he stole
      was very important to me
                but it’s not the kind of thing
that could ever be returned
         this is no game of
   lost and found
       oh, but the thief
                        the thief―
they couldn’t catch him,
            he’s got
               sly talk and
i think he’s part snake
          they couldn’t catch him because
he left no fingerprints

Three years feels like a long time, until it’s over.
Panic... Panic.. Panic. I call my mother.
Honey, he got out three days ago.
What do you mean?
He’s out.
Panic.
Pa...
My pills.
I take one, two.
I fall asleep, the next day starts.
I wake up and pretend nothing is different.
Three years was a long time, and now it’s over.