I'm scared to write;
Cause I know the words;
"I messed up really bad"
Will come out of nowhere.

Oops!
It just did.

I feel like I'm in limbo;
I'm a mess.
I messed up something good,
Something great.
I think about it and my eyes water;
I think of what's going to happen next;
And I involuntarily shudder.

I put myself first for once.
It doesn't feel like I put myself first.
I feel like I just convinced myself.
I convinced myself to destroy;
My source of happiness;
Laughter;
Inner peace.

I messed up really bad.
The deed is done.
This time there's no turning back;
But *******,
I messed up really bad.

How should I handle us
              when I'm not even able
                                   to handle myself


I try to make the right decision
but I simply don't know what's right

my mind is a mess.

Im a devastated and dilapidated wreck
With loads of ******* scattered all around
You'll discover no valuable asset in me
Even if you dig through me for hours
Or drill holes inside me with the sharpest and searing tools you've got
You'll only pierce yourself
And end up with a fairly bruised flesh
With throbbing pain
Dust will cloud your vision
Tears will cascade down your eyes
Grime will clog your lungs
You'll gasp and grasp for breath
Filth will settle on the creases of your palms and will make you feel nauseated
But no treasure will you ever be able to unearth
You'll only find yourself slowly submerged under my derelict mess
Before long
You'll become a part of my shattered dominion

stop telling me i'm "pretty".
I am not.
stop telling me I've got the best smile around.
I don't.
I'm not as "perfect" as you may think.
I'm a mess.
and no I'm a beautiful mess.
im a storm.
a roaring,
storm.
stop telling me lies.

-l.j.t.

A, b, c,
you took advantage of me.

D, e, f,
when told no you were deaf.

G, h, i,
I'm nothing you can buy.

K, l, m,
feed my soul to them.

N, o, p,
please don't be beastly.

Q, r, s,
you left me as mess.

T, u, v,
your the wave swallowing me into the sea.

W, x, y,
you watch me with your private eye.

Z,
now I'm going on to win the bet.

I shot down opportunities
Then stared at the wall
Watching them painting
Differences from their hearts
Building new stairs upward
While I managed my downfall

The lights weren't bright
Then I coughed on the dust
Pushing my vitals to decay
I spoiled my life and now I pray
God please help this pathetic
To raise both hands in joy
To raise my head in pride

my mother tells me i’m lucky,
father says i’m blessed.
but it’s hard to count any blessings
when i’m always out of breath.
grandma says i look pale,
it’s because i’m not getting enough sleep.
when the farm becomes abandoned
it’s hard to count any sheep.
i’m a mess who makes more messes,
sister tells me it’ll be alright-
that even in my darkest moments
i must remember to turn on the light.
but i think the lightbulb’s broken
or maybe much too dim,
because the only joy i feel
is when i’m looking up at him.
i’m tired of being sorry,
i’m sorry for being tired.
in life these days my
happiness and satisfaction isn’t required.
so it ***** if i’m a disappointment
but it’s hard to focus on grades
when instead my mind likes to relive
every mistake i’ve ever made.
i really didn’t mean to hurt you
i hope you can learn not to be mad.
i just wish i didn’t always go through the day
feeling so ******* sad.