MESS



We train our minds to be at peace
So everything is positive, happy and at ease.

Mind as well likes this calm space
Where all our worries come to cease.

But have you ever given it one thought or less
Maybe, just maybe,
Our minds were supposed to be this terrible chaotic mess.

You will feel deeply
Little girls can write like dragon ladies,
galvanise poems and spit them out metallic
slipped through pavement portal cracks
I don’t want to write like a girl anymore
there’s no air holes.
Dragon ladies told me not to
I stuck googley eyes on my conscience
diversion tactics
I hope the world doesn’t eat me
crack sun-roof open
limbs steer in different directions and going around in circles.
No canoe
I want to be an radio ooost
me in their karaoke voices
if you stop being yourself, it will set you free.
Cha-cha-cha.
if you stop being yourself, it will set you free.

I feel so alone
So much of the time
Surrounded by people
Who love me
And who don’t
It doesn’t matter
Because no one knows
Me
And I’m
Dying
For someone to
See me
All the way
Through all my crap
All my walls
All my pain
All my faults
And then still
Choose
To pull me in close
And kiss me
Because he is
So furiously
In love with this
Entire mess

I sit
  and I tried
and I
  almost died..

My mind
  was in
     such a mess...

And then
  I realized..

I could never
  write anything...

As beautiful as you.

i'm a mess and i'm still untangling the strings
breaking down walls
breathing
being
building.
i've shed layers of dead skin,
repaired the broken
but never healing all at once...
never coming together the way i should
never falling apart when i'm ready to
never breaking at the right angles
that make it clean enough
to pick up after myself.

From the smiles i faked,

to the tears i've wept,

the path i took,

left me lost in just a hook.



If i could just rewrite the past,

i would still bring back us,

back to those times,

where things weren't a mess.

I am aching to create but I can't

I feel like such a ****-up but I can't

I keep having dreams that feel like memories
and I can't distinguish the difference between the two
all I know is there's a space between us thicker than the shadows in my room
and I keep tangling my thoughts in search of ways to feel worthy of you
I wonder who you're holding tonight
I wonder whose lips graze yours at 3 am while I'm trying to forget you
most days, I wonder if I could strip goodbye off your tongue and replace it with apologies
as if words could ever be enough to clean the mess we made