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Warning- This poem contains themes of self harm, suicide, ****** abuse, and more. If these topics trigger you I suggest you don't read this poem.

"I think your scars are beautiful." Said no one.
I carry the traumas of my past on my wrists and my thighs.
I feel like a gross monster.
Every day when I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of my pattern of self destruction and self hatred.

But I don't only have scars on the outside.
Open wounds exist inside me from the events of my past.
The memories replay in my mind like a movie theater,
and I watch myself suffer over and over again.
I see myself getting sexually abused, watching my parents drunken accidents.
I see ten year old me getting shoved into a countertop and I can still feel the physical and emotional pain.

Sometimes I want to slit my throat and cut up my wrists so I can be done with the **** this world has to offer,
But I know I can't go out like this, not so young.
I know that I have things to accomplish,
and I have goals to reach,
But it's so hard carrying this weight on my shoulders all the time.
I don't believe I deserve this.
Warning: This poem contains subjects of ****/SA and may be triggering.


I can't believe the irony.
You claim to disagree with **** and ****** harassment,
But you speak no remorse for your actions of abuse against me.
You say what you did wasn't bad, but you weren't the one being ****** over day by day by the girl who was supposed to be my best friend.
You weren't the one being manipulated,
Yet you play the victim and talk about how you were molested later in life
But you never cared to take accountability and apologize to the person you put through the same misery you ended up going through after the fact,
And you never cared to think about what you did to me and what you put me through.

I know and understand that we were young,
But that's not an excuse to say you did nothing wrong.
You didn't just do this when we were little,
This wasn't just a one time thing,
You did it over and over again for four years.
It was a recurring event that happened every time you begged to come over, or begged for my mom to let us sleepover
So you could manipulate me and ***** me over even more, making me more trapped in your web of lies and deception.

I find it stupid that everyone seems to take your side instead of listening to what I have to say about this situation,
When there is proof of you being a narcissistic liar and everyone knows it,
Yet they can't believe a word I say no matter how much I say it.

I don't even mean for this to ruin your life,
even though you ruined mine.
You left me with flashbacks and self destructive patterns I've become used to.
You made my life a living hell.

I've heard that you think my scars are ugly,
But they aren't nearly as ugly as your hideous personality and your manipulative tendencies.
When I see your face or think of you it makes me sick,
Almost as sick as I feel remembering what you put me through,
Like making me touch you, making me make out with you.
I never even wanted to do that in the first place,
I knew we were too young,
I wonder what everyone would think if they knew you were a sexually abusive *****.
Although I sleep so sound at night
In my mind rumbles an endless fight
Each side believes that they'll get more
Make no mistake: this is war.

In my mind, I live alone
Inside a house of cobblestone
There are no neighbors, and the fight is violent
But inside the house, it gets too silent

The thunder clashes with the ground
The demons fire off another round
Angels strike them with their bows
So round 'n' round the battle goes

Why they fight, I cannot discern
The demons cheer with each soul they earn
Lost souls gather to find their way
Falling victim, becoming prey

An angel falls, a demon dies
Such things happen when fighting lies
Each side is right, but both are wrong
Both cry out their battle song

The truth of war, the why they fight
Is sealed up in a copyright
Action stars and movie scenes
To drown out the righteous screams

An angel saves a soul at last
The battlefield feels so less vast
A total of souls saved was seven
They were blessed to get to Heaven

Angels and demons call a truce
The victim puts away their noose
For once at last, peace is found
Thus ends the savage battleground

Then the darkness comes back 'round
Just when they found their common ground
It starts again, just like before
Make no mistake: this is war.
I blended what it's like fighting mental battles in your head, with how the world is around us. Both affect each other, and that, in itself, is a war of its own.
What if I told you I dreamed too high,
But you always wanted me low?

My head clearly belongs in the clouds
While your face is upside down, in the ground.

My feet on the very edge of the chair.
Too busy in my fabricated daydreams, unaware.

Do I miss you? Not really.
Thanks for all the times you treated me painfully.

If only you could see me now,
I could take you to those clouds.

But I know one day you’ll visit me
Bothered by the disgusting feelings.

I loved when your hands were on me,
But now all I feel is the weight of rope tightening.
For years I fought something only I could see,
A battlefield etched in the silence of me.
The foe was mine, yet I could not yield,
A fight contained in an unmarked field.

I clashed with shadows that wore my face,
Each strike within left a deeper trace.
Fighting hard just to stand or breathe,
A battleground I couldn’t command or leave.

But time wore thin, the noise fell still,
The air grew thick, the ground unfilled.
No victor crowned, no flag was claimed,
Just ruined trenches and a captive unchained.

Not quite peace, but free from pain,
A quiet place where hope’s restrained.
No joy to chase but tears is no more,
Just steady breathing — after the war.
Sitting in that venue something clicked
Sitting in this dark living room watching videos and silently crying to myself while my cat drinks water from his fountain it clicked
I am not ok something in my brain has shifted
These thoughts scream out
Wanting to be tangible
My nails wanting to leave marks on my back
I need help
But every time I’ve reached out
I’m been cast aside
My doctor
Canceled my appointment citing I need a psych
Which I already have
My psych never answers
I try to hold in my pain but I am afraid how much longer I can
I feel like a younger version of myself has emerged once again
I needed to get these words out
Craig ben Aug 13
I wake—
and the train fires up.
The first thought goes into the furnace.
Then another.
And another.

The fire swells.
The wheels bite.
The carriage shudders.
We’re moving.

I’m stoking without trying—
every thought is fuel.
Good, bad, doesn’t matter—
the fire eats it all.

Smoke pours in—thick, black,
like a pit on a winter’s night.
The thoughts are starting to choke,
curling and crowding,
filling the air until I can hardly breathe.
I cough. I choke.
Still, the train hurtles on.

No signal. No brakes.
It doesn’t even need a track.
The faster it goes, the heavier the smoke.
I’m as still
as the hands of an unwound clock.

I want to jump.
I want to make it stop.
But the thoughts keep coming.
The furnace roars.
The wheels scream.

And then—
through the haze—
a figure.

She sits beside me.
Takes my hand.
Her voice—soft, but certain—
“It will be all right.”

The fire falters.
The smoke thins.

She leans close,
reminding me of the first time I saw her—
she was the only one I could see,
the only noise I could hear,
the only thing I wanted to breathe.

The train slows.
I can see her face—
just as beautiful as that first night.

I breathe deep,
clearing the air from my lungs,
feeling the wheels ease beneath me.

She stands, still holding my hand.
“Let’s get off this train,” she says.
“You’ve stopped it.
And if the fire starts again—
remember the things that made the world stop:
the first time we met,
the first breath of our son,
a golden sunset,
the monsoon rain.”

The train is always there,
its furnace door open.
But now—
I know how to walk away.
Where the air is clear.
Where her hand is in mine.
girlinflames Aug 11
when you look in the mirror and see no one.
when everything happens on autopilot.
when your best friends are your room and your bed.
when everyone is happy and you’re the only sad one in the room.
when you’re startled by the thought that life is no longer worth living.
when you’re already cutting yourself just to feel anything but the pain.
Tasmay Aug 8
Oh Mother

A couple hundred pairs
Of pupils watch me walk
Every now and then.

The look of pitiness follows
Through their minds,
As if I’m an alien
Roaming around in the
Humankind.

Oh mother,
Why do they stare at me
When all I do is try to live
In the body that was
Given to me as I stood
In life’s entry line?

Oh mother,
When I look up
Into those eyes of mine,
All I can notice is
The hatred I buried inside

Enough to capture my territory
And mark it as disabled
On the south pole of my brain,
Which was, till date,
My biggest worry.

Oh mother,
Could you please hurry?
I’m losing the war
And in desperate need
Of somebody.

Tasmay
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