Memories are
My planets and stars that make up
A galaxy
Ever expanding

There was that time when I fell in love so hard I shook for days
But it was for a city, and everyone in it.
And it’s a place I keep returning to over and over.
It always draws me back.
And then in that city
I fell in love the way we fall in love with friends.
Like a lost piece of my soul finally found its way home.
And then that summer I felt what I thought was love.
And even though it wasn't
It still felt nice
Experiencing something so new.

Once
It snowed so hard we were shut in for days.
Or at least, that’s what we thought.
But really we made the best of it.
Tied inner tubes to four wheelers.
And all the kids in the neighborhood
Joined in for a snowball fight
Trench warfare style.
Man,
I hate snow.

I learned that family doesn't have to mean whose blood you share
But who loves you fiercely.
And that’s why I offered to take my brothers to the dealer’s house.
And even though we had to run through a neighborhood
Through the bushes and trees
Across the highway
And came back with nothing
It was still a moment for us.
An us moment.

I tried drugs in the arms of my best friends.
And it wasn’t even that great.
But still
It was another us moment.

And then I tried it again when we all went camping in my woods and we were scared of getting caught half naked by the fire and we swore we heard a four wheeler coming and we scrambled into the tent and it got cold and nobody really slept that well but
It was an us moment.
And I loved every minute of it.

My coach drove me home one day and I could tell how sad she was over her ex because she tried too hard to be happy.
We rode with music blaring and bass vibrating my chest and windows down.
And we went by the liquor store and we laughed a lot.
And then I realized what it’s like to have someone you could literally tell everything to.
She’s ****** up a lot.
And I love her for that.

Sometimes we swam in the creek when it was still March and way too cold.
It was ill advised but we did it anyway.

Sometimes we find places secluded from the world and live there for awhile.
We talked about everything even as an old couple sat fishing mere feet away.
They heard all our secrets
But we said them anyway.

We do a lot of dumb things
Like walk into abandoned houses and rip off things that cover pools.
It’s really dumb and we could get in trouble
But we did it anyway.

My brother and I ran into the pouring rain to the river.
It was cold
But it’s okay as long as you’re warm on the inside.
And we are.
So we did it anyway.

And sometimes we liked to forget we were really smart so after that awful test
Too many of us got into a car and headed to the city
Bumming cigarettes and learning the back roads of ourselves.

We like to play card games in 5th period that year.
We got loud and aggressive.
We had fun.
And that’s what mattered.

In 1st period
I learned about the world
From a man who knew everything.
I mean everything.
And I’m not gonna remember it all
But it’s not gonna matter.
There’s nowhere else I’d rather have been that year.

And speaking of being places
I came back to the place of my childhood
Where summers were spent being free.
And for two weeks I had a backstage pass to 100 different childhood memories
And others like me who fell in love with this role.
Only once in a lifetime do you meet people this amazing.
Only here does a mess look so perfect.
The sky poured bittersweet tears the day that I left.
And I tried not to.

I met the woman who chose
To give me a chance instead of giving one to herself.
I met my flesh and blood for the first time
And it felt like I knew them my whole life.

Sometimes you know you love somebody
Or you think you do because you’re expected to
But you don’t actually realize the fierceness of your affection.
Not yet.
So it wasn't until my brother and I rode seven and a half miles to see his girlfriend
When he stopped and picked wild flowers for her on the roadside
That I realized how much I love him and that he is golden.

When I visit Florida
I tell people I’m going home.
But the more times I visit
The more it seems to feel
Less and less like home
And more and more like
Florida.
So then I realized that home can shift when memories are made.

And in case you didn’t know
You can have many homes.
They don’t even have to be houses.
They can be people
Or moss terrariums
Or the city you fell in love with
Or the place where you discovered what heaven tastes like.
Which, coincidentally, is the taste of a raspberry white chocolate latte.

When people say life is short, they mean it.
And before you know it
The years will fly by like windblown pages of a book.
So apologize to that person you’ve been drinking poison over.
And tell the people who matter that you love them.
Because when the day comes when you can’t
You will feel no deeper regret.
It took me sixteen and a half years to learn this.

I read a lot of good books and watched a few movies that’ll ride in my heart for a long time.
I spent time with kids
Because they are still important.

And I’m nowhere close to where I need to be
But
I’m a hell of a lot farther than I used to be.
And I’ll take it.

My eyes Wide.
      Grey pupils dilate.
          Blade buried deep inside,
               where dry waters Hide.

Mind like a jungle,
Each leaf a different story.
The clouds gently mumble,
Caressing sweet dreams of glory.

The world was red,
it will be so again.
For now rest your head.
your tired from what you went against.

Walls here in this open valley,
aren't meant for restraint.
Green on a turquoise gallery,
picture these words I paint.

Grow your grave,
from a willow seed.
As the dirt slowly begins to cave,
you comes upon a black steed.

Drunk from honor,
Lust for pride.
Not much longer,
Your corpse your bride.

My wounds bleed
to tell a tale.
Donate your greed,
As I turn pale.

Carpe Diem

When the world ends,
I'm leaving.

before the break of dawn
even in cold and misty morn
a soul roams throughout my house
even when the sun is not yet up

the soothing smell of agarbatties
shoots up in the air
the sound of morning prayers
is heard in this hour

her sweet and melodious voice
will be carried to my ears
as  i crouch myself
under the warmth of my cot

next she wakes me up
with her gentle tap
and draws the drapes
across the window sill

even when i pace up and down
to get ready to board my bus
she always keeps calm and steady
like the pendulum in my study

she always has a feeling
when i am concealing something
then she rubs and scrubs the secrets
until the answer clicks

the day will come to an end
as the sun sinks below the horizon
even we stops to grow, as years pass
but a mother....have anyone seen her halt?

even though she stays calm
her heart pounding hard, no one heard
since the day i was in her womb....
to this very minute of the day

if a fairy grant me a wish
the only thing i would ask
to repay the love and care i owe
to that sacred soul....

मैले लेखेको गीत

तिमीले कुनै दिन
मलाई भनेका कुरा अझै याद
नआउने हैनन्।

गोरेटोमा सगैँ चालेका
कदमहरू
दोबाटोमा अल्मलिएर छुट्टिसके
तर तिम्रो निम्ति, तिम्रो नाममा
मैले गीत अझै कोर्न सकिन

तर अवश्य गाउनेछु
तिमीले भुन भुनाउने धुनमा मिलाएर
एकदिन, कुनै एकदिन
म मनबाट गीत

सायद त्यो गीत जुनमा अल्झिएर
तारामा पिल्पीलाएर, चम्किरहेछ
र म खोज्दैछु तिनका
समुन्द्र भित्रको अस्पष्ट छायाँमा

सायद कुनै सखाप हुँदै गरेको
वन पाखामा मैनाको आवाजमा
लुकेको छ त्यो गीत
र म शहरको कोलाहलमा हराएकोछु

सायद कुनै मादलको खरीमा
सायद  साउने झरीमा
लुकेको छ त्यो गीत
र म हराएको छु माघे एकान्तमा

अनि सम्झिन्छु त्यो मैले
आफ्नो सिरानीमुनि राखेको तिम्रो तस्बिर
जसको पछाडी मैले तिम्रो नाम कोरेको थिए

तिमीले गुन गुनाउने धुनसँगै
त्यो शब्द कति मीठो सुनिन्छ।

Dear Universe,

I know that I **** up a lot when it comes to writing back
but I am working on getting better.
I'm actually working on getting better at a lot of things.
When I get home, I plan on gathering some recipes, running on the treadmill, buying stamps, paying those parking tickets.
In fact, I have a long list of to-do's in my head.
You'd laugh if you could see the race my mind plays (or maybe you can)?
It's exhausting.

You know, I wanna love without fear. I want to be confident in my emotional investments. I want to hold her and not wonder where it is her mind wanders. I want to be the best non-girlfriend girlfriend a girl like her could have.

I also want an even tan.

Dear Universe,

Jeopardy always reminds me of my grandmother
-my father's mother.
Her living room, with the red **** carpet and pink curtains.
Or were they salmon?
They probably were.
I don't remember.
I was 9.
I was not ready to be concerned about those kind of details.
I was not ready for a lot of things.

"The sadness consumed me.
It was all I could see.
She was the light that kept the shadows out of my room.
She was the warrior that would slay any demon
that tried to corrupt my heart.
But now they have all come for me.
Now they have stolen my innocence.
Now I am lost left to hate this life I have been dealt.
This is no longer a life".