The air your lips used to warm
as you'd breathe into mine,
has become too cold
from the space
you left between us.


Now,
I warm my own air
with flames
set from the peelings
of a burning heart
you threw away
in a rusted can.


I don't remember winter ever being so cold.

it's been a long time since i wrote;
on notebooks i have words and some
cursive letters --
as i try to figure out the font of my name--
but i never truly write.

i kept staring at the walls and, somehow,
the room shrunk,
but i told myself i was okay.
even with this much space i could never suffocate.
i'm too scared to think about death.
then the walls keep staring back at me,
and the starry lights make me
starry-eyed,
starry-mind;
lost in dreams
of things
again.

i get so lost in thought of life
that i forget to start living mine.

I am hearing it
winter’s freeze
the tightening of air
water light
a noisy gang of clouds
Snowflakes are feathered stones

In the field
this day builds its frozen bones
A beautiful disaster forms

Submerged in it
I listen for birds  
There is nothing

A moment’s wind
brittles my breath
numbs my ears
I listen for a note
There is nothing

A hush of sleep
tucks into January’s bed
Even the dogs stay inside
to refuse the ice jabs
into their paws

The cold cracks the skin
of my hands
sharpens its blade
slices deeper

At the edge of the field
I stand in stillness
an ice-covered statue
waiting for the company of pigeons

____________

©dah / dahlusion 2014
all rights reserved

"January" was first published in 'The Canon's Mouth' (UK)

Editor: Greg ***

Anger lashing out like waves hitting the shores within
Blinded by the fire, lacking where to begin
Breathlessly fighting for life yet holding my breath
Not believing that it's over,clinging to regret
Now that you're gone what's left is paper and pen
Without a difference between now and then
Except you being gone and never returning
And my mind burning and soul still yearning
Thoughts running east and then back to west
Searching for memories, a holy grail quest
Crumpling the papers as if they're responsible
For the beautiful poetry but finding no rhyme
Choosing to embrace loneliness and enjoy the crucible
Wishing by pushing back the clock I'd rewind time
Forgetting to draw back the curtains battling fright
Waking to horrors and creepers of the night
Trapped in the biting cold, hardly finding sleep
Wide eyed even after counting a million sheep
Searching for your fragrance in the sheets
Failing, like the recollection of how I you meets
Abandoning my bed and staggering in the darkness
Crushing over stuff searching for the switch
Wishing I still had the lamp you took with you by my bed
Or the phone I broke angered by your satirical tweet
It's like you were never here for your absent in my head
Hit as I turn on the blinding light by the current
Taking a **** and back to my PC to search for torrents
The movies I trashed when you left, songs I deleted
Now I treasure them as much as I had hated
Two three songs, I find memories lost in years
Only to start another war,battling back my tears
The scars are open and I bleed in love again
My passion for you is as fresh as the pain
Sadly I can't pelt the staring walls with my PC
She's an expensive and only source of my torturous peace
So my pillow takes her place and the potted flower
Funny I got strength for this but not will power
I need help but then will anyone understand?
Alone and accused on the boulevard of broken dreams
Jealous as the first ray of dawn kisses the sky
Onto the same staring walls I lean as I cry
Cursing where I've been, unsure of where
I'm going like lost fountains in a stream
I want to tell God to stop this crazy ride and I get off
And right there dizzy conjures my eyes and I sleep off

Knock on the door of my heart
       and i shall open it for you
do not be frighten by what  you'll see.
   I have been trying for too long,
  to let you know how much i love  you.
    But you never bothered looking  further beyond that fake smile on my face.
      That is filled with heart breaks
               and doubts,
for you never bothered to see beyond.

You only wanted a taste of my brown sugar skin, to kiss my lips that are made from all my sins, you never wanted to dance with me, only wanted to **** the sweetness straight from my veins, your tongue was quick, painted me a new horizon, made me feel like my brown skinned body was worth something to you, until you stopped, until I wasn't worth something to you, you've ****** the sweetness from me, my heart no longer beats like a drum, I lost myself inside of your watercolor eyes, I'm still trying to find my way out.

Her lids reconciled
Trying to taste the sweet tone of the wind
As it sang again for her
Running up across the dry meadows
She can smell the grass on her feet
The lake looks as though a blanket
Endlessly rolling tiny waves
"Where to?" Her heart wanted to ask
To the swinging ropes
She sat on the sturdy tire
She is colorless under the purple skies
She lost her balance like she did intend
Almost lying upside down
She felt the rush of blood go through her head
And found the trenches of goodbyes
Long kept in the clouds of twilight
Suddenly, tears in her eyes
Did you ever miss me?
Maybe a little
But not as much
Not like a firefly who lost her light
Maybe not a all


-Untitled, Margaret Austin Go

She loves the idea of love,
and I am the slave of it.  
She loves the idea of happiness,
and I am deprived of it.
She loves the idea of this and that,
and I am giving her this and that.

I wonder if she do love me, or clinging on false pretenses.

Water falls. Fast. Furious. Melancholic.
I could watch it all day.
My ill mind won't let go of me.
I watch the water fall.
Fall.
Fall.
Everything slowly spins around me, I **** it all in.
I breathe in, I breathe out.
No thoughts, no complexity, just the water.
Filling my whole scene. Filling all of me.
Fast spreading mental illness. Furious judging voice, telling me not to let go. Melancholic mind, capturing me, pulling me down.
Down.
Down.
Under the water.
Breathe in, breathe out.
My lungs are filling, water falls, down in my lungs.
Filling my whole scene, I draw my last breath.*

MJR. 16/01-15