And after that relationship,
I wrote a thousand beautiful, sad poems.
Not to win you back
but to understand how I ever lost myself.

My darling,
life is hidden in the maybe’s.

Maybe you are looking at your phone,
knowing that one message can
change it all.

Maybe you are feeling my absence
when you look at the sea.

My darling,
maybe you are overwhelmed
and don’t really want to hurt me—
but do it anyway.

Maybe you wish things were easy.
Maybe we don’t fit.
Maybe it was too good to be true.

My darling,
life dwells in the maybe’s.

Maybe I will be right here
if you come back.

I want to tell someone
I want to be proud
But I’ll just be a joke
I don’t want to feel bad
I can’t help it
I’m happy with myself
I want to be happy with others but I can’t
Because they’ll just make it a joke

I love her,
But she says things like
“Oh no, a 97. Are u going to cry?”
I’ll bite my nails til they bleed
Stay silent

But, it’s like-
yeah.
maybe I will.

If what they say is true,
that there's always room for improvement, maybe the opposite is true as well.
Maybe there's room for failure too.
Don't misunderstand.
I'm not suggesting you don't try.
But life is a process.
And failure, mistakes,
they're as much a part as progress.
So, while it may never seem like an option,
I hope you come to find it's OK to fail.

his name is a jumble of triangles,
circles and squares
when she wrote it on the first page
of the notebook meant for
her
    
she looked at him
a tray of seasoned fries shared
some old song in the back
singing about love;
of course he would know
    
he would crack a joke
a brief smile meant for her
she wanted to understand it
but she laughed, she was
laughing with him
    
endlessly the sound
replayed, over and over again
before she slipped into bed
and dreamt of a world
they live happily ever after
    
shy & quiet, she was
and he was everything
but
    
again and again
she wanted to know
if he felt the same
so hurry &
don’t leave
hug her before you go

When the day is over and I see the moon shine its light through my window, I feel this overwhelming wave of sadness and loneliness
These painfull thoughts that I'm trying to hopelessly push away, climb back in to my head and begins to drip down my face  as tears
But everytime I see my self come back to these familiar feelings and fill my head with these thoughts of loneliness, I feel in this twisted way more alive than ever

Although the truth probably is
I have never felt loved in my entire life

As my heart pumps this liquid that is filled with pain and thoughts of giving up
As my head wonders
What's the point of meeting new people if   if even I can't stand to look myself
Maybe if I just exist and push through my heart will go numb
Maybe I'm just invisible Maybe we all are
Maybe we see those who we love orhate
Maybe I'm just overthinking
Maybe it's just all in my head
Maybe I will just shut my brain

Maybe I will just end it all someday

But one thing is certain that day is not today

You broke me, but that is nothing new.... I knew you had the means to break me when we were almost something.... I had handed you my most prized possession.
I so effortlessly passed myself over, too naive to think about the consequences, or the fact that even though I love you, it didn't mean you loved me.....
I knew you broke me when I was sitting in a restaurant too exhausted to cook, breaking down at the table by myself while watching couples who could have been us laughing and eating.
I knew you broke me when I hated going to bed and staring up at that stupid dull white ceiling in silence, my mind going over everything I might have done wrong.
when sleep came I was finally at peace, but not for long....
I knew you broke me when every morning I dreaded getting up because it meant I had to do another day without you.
I knew you broke me when I hated myself, hated how I looked because maybe if I looked better you would have stayed and chosen me.
hated how I talked, maybe if i used a softer tone? or more stern? you wouldn't have chosen her?
maybe if my eyes were blue? or my hair blonde?
I knew you broke me when I was tearing myself apart because you left....
you broke me, but I already knew you would.