I stand on my two feet and

I refuse to take this world seriously,

Be a follower, and be their believer,

I Refuse,

Persuade me - force me -
 - I  stubbornly refuse to take this world seriously,

I do have the right to refuse -at least -

- Do not judge me!

We don’t need more eyes to see
and more ears  - we don’t need deeper holes in our heads to better hear,

I won’t run away,

I  use my right - I Refuse to be a clown

Aloof in the wind, perfectly poised to the sun.
Dressed in the disguise of men he’d seen in movies.
Waiting, in the wrinkles of leather jackets
Waiting, intoxicating scent of cigarettes
Hiding with teeth infested vines
Hiding, fingers meshed into the roots
Cowering, it can’t hide from a mind so sharp it wounds him
A disgusting entity , suffering.
Oozing, contorting to fit the eye of the beholder
Repulsive vines splutter bitter sap that once seemed so sweet to me

He laughs with the darkness
Takes joy is others' screams
His mistress is the night
He is not what he seems

Don't believe his ominous smile
Don't give in to his twisted love
Don't follow him into the depths
Don't mistake him for a dove

His mind is painted black
His eyes are tinted red
His tongue is like a serpent's
Injecting poison into your head

He devoured me
He blinded me
Showed me what love is not
His venomous blood infected me
Leaving me to rot

En point across eggshells
I tiptoe terrified around the point
Tireless trying to despatch any drama
I slip as I dance, Audible cracks

It’s been like this for a while now
Heart palpations, perpetually on edge
Panic attacks more frequent
Wait... they’re entirely new

Careful attempts to communicate
How I feel, frightened for firing the kiln
What will it be this time?
Interruption of calm converse circadian

Gaslighting? Guilt-Tripping?
Derailing? Tone-policing?
“I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way”
You say, as I crumble

Endless excuses and appalling accusations
You revolting repertoire maims me
Standing shattered, ******* fractured
fragmented as the eggshell environment I navigate

suspicious of my soul, I ponder the point
I take medication now, dose has doubled
The months you spent convincing me
a counsellor captioned me manipulative

Lies. Ladles of lies.
Thank god I know now
I had a plan in place
A time and space...

Delicately detailing
Now with unsullied sharpness
From alpha to omega
My swan song

i remember you clearly,
you looked at me so dearly,
but I didn't see the red lights,
your seduction was too bright

those red lights, oh god
but your *** was so good i was in awe,
how could have i been such a fool,
*** so good, when i'd see you i drool

how dare you take advantage?
why, because i was 15, naive, and vulnerable to damage?
the red lights were flashing again, your seduction too strong,
i wanted more from you, but i knew it was wrong

I'm not the first girl, i know
what makes you think you can turn me into a ***
remember freshman year? that twelve-year-old deer?
like a hunter, so swift, so skilled,
she fell right into your trap and lived afterwards in fear

but look at me now,
momma's girl turned into a bad *****,
doesn't even give a **** about an itch,
bodak yellow on loud, beyonce making me feel proud

indeed I am a smart ***
I see through the *******
and am not afraid to throw it back when it's slung my way

my sarcastic nature
allows me to laugh
at things that might otherwise be painful
it's also a helpful tool
to disarm fools
who try to make me believe their lies

my feeling on people
is based on trial and error
and life experience

I find that the truth is
you can generally assume that for the most part
most people
are thinking of themselves

their true motives are hidden by their words
or actions
when you really

look

and

learn

you then realize people
manipulate each other for self gain

when someone is making you feel zapped
you are being
used
one way or another

protect your temple