Humpty Dumpty boy
Had a psychotic break
The plants were all destroyed
Your reality was fake
They took down all the lights
Concealed the evidence
We're all out of our minds
Yours just couldn't handle it

What's to blame?
Environment
Or genetics

A getaway in the brain
An escape from what you know
Regretting made up murders
Apologizing to the world
I can't possibly fix this
Please stop saying my name
You think we're in the matrix
Was it me who led you insane

Cause vs. Affect
Was it love
Or just ***

Four years, they disappeared
How much damage could be done
I hope you make it back
Grey haired, green thumb
Nature soothes the nerves
Art can reverse the pain
But one thing is for sure
We will never be the same

I have lost my way again,
my mind will go astray
and then,
there's nothing I can say again,
to make you want to stay
but when,
I relive this day,
right then.
I'll never be the same to them.
And slowly lose my Babe again.
But every single way I've been,
I've never had a better friend.
You are the best I'll ever find,
defined only,
as simply sublime.
I love you just so god ****** much,
that I **** myself up
with sadness and such.

mania means blackouts.
the violent situation
mania.
all the symptoms were there.
short fuse.
irritability.
full blown,
mania.
all of the time.
mania.
i couldn't sleep.

to most you say
a day
24 hours
and it is that simple
24 perfect little steps
to lead the way
and guide humanity through
an astronomical phenomenon
day and night

to me
a day is not
24 hours
nor is it 1440 minutes
not even 86400 seconds
i watch the milliseconds
the femtoseconds
speed by faster than
the photons that drive
the herd inhabiting this pale blue dot

how could they sleep through
the darkest moment of night
when the cool that
you thought couldn't be
on that cornflower blue
summer day
lazily flows across your face
and you feel the longing
that the fingernail moon
must carry for the sun.

how could they appreciate
every single exact color
as the sky brightens
lilacs running like chariots
from the sun still submerged
give way to effervescent
pastel pinks
like a gift for every baby girl
born that moment
until finally the sun pushes its way
out of the grasp of the horizon
and bursts like a blonde from a cake
bathing the world in its
mourning song for
the moon who always
slips just out of his grasp.

It's this lump in my throat that seizes to be swallowed.
The missing thoughts in my mind that keep me from reality.
There are burns on my wrist from the ropes that bind them.
My mouth is shut tight from the tape that conceals it.

It's the screaming in my head and the ringing in my ears.
The shake in my hands and the ache in my feet.
There is a burning in my muscles from the tension in my body.
My deserted frame is collapsing.

It's the filth in my bones that wont wash away.
The haunt of 2:00 am that relentlessly feeds this exhaustion.

I know the world like no other
the centripetal force that
catapults me into the concrete wall
at my back which leaves
lashes of gravity
and welts and wounds that
remind me
the tides will turn and
I will careen towards
a blackness not even I can comprehend.

I know no middle ground
I live only in extremes
no gradations in my existence
leave me no steps
to descend the sheer cliff face
that I toe ever so recklessly
tempting that gravitational force
whose mere presence
fills me with righteous
distilled
rage.

There is no grey here
or is it gray?
-ey
-ay
I don't even know the orthography
well enough to describe
how the two sides of
me
the wraith and the goddess
could perhaps be intertwined
effervescent power
the cream swirling
in inexplicable patterns
until the coffee is a
calm
warm
and no longer bitter
on the tongue of those
whose life is not lived
only on the fringes
the afterthought
of a leather jacket
fallen out of style
decades ago
and yet still worn
as a reminder of the days when
I danced until my movements
fell in sync with the Earth's and
I stopped being able to
distinguish where
my root feet ended
and the moist midnight soil
began.

I know black
I know white
I know wintry obsidian nights
the darkness so thick
that even my sharpest blade
could never penetrate its
foreboding mass pressing in on me
I know truly endless summer days
when sleep is a forgotten virtue
and sunlight pouring through my window
warms me
and I photosynthesize joy
take all my nourishment from
the ambrosia of the sun.

In extremes there is no need
but want.

I’m not trying to play the victim.
I’m trying to help my situation.
I’m trying to help myself.
I’m trying to be the best I can.
I’m not trying to play the victim.
I’m trying to find solace in silence.
I’m trying to find a place where it’s ok.
I’m trying to find a place where I’m ok.
I’m not trying to be the victim.