Anger, hatred, sadness
It runs through my veins
I need to break the stream
I need to bleedbleedbleed  
But it doesn't save me
My own blood runs down the shower drain.
I'm spiralling. I know that.
But I don't want to stop.
I realise now,
I don't want to survive.
So, I'm letting go of solid ground.
Darkness, pull me down.

i am not
everything you think i am
i am
so much less

Have you ever seen a man
Whose eyes are gray and dead
Like his age is bigger for ten
And there is nothing for him ahead

Was there ever a girl your age
Outside cheerful, but broken instead
Her life had reached its final page
Waiting for the demons, lying in her bed

I know you must have seen someone
Who was trying to push through hell
Who was so close to being done
Seeing no way to make it well

What have you done, did you try at all?
Did you offer your hand or help that they sought?
Was there anything you did to prevent their fall
To help them win the battles that they fought?

I see you are silent, I know what it means
It's not like you care when it's not about you
But trust me, you have no idea how it feels
When no one's there to help but you need them to

I am what perfect is,
When perfect is not enough.

currently
I feel as though I should just lay all my feelings out on the table. maybe talking, well actually writing, will help serve as a release or rather a filler. some days I feel empty and other days I fill full. so many emotions to the point of feeling numb. it's like nothing's necessarily wrong but they're obviously not right either. I don't know why I'm still having a hard time. it's like I'm always on and off and on and off again. one day I'm okay the next day im practically miserable and it's all a vicious cycle that I can't get rid of. I'm a walking contradiction and I hate feeling bad but then again, I'm afraid not to. because whenever something good comes along it doesn't stay. I don't know what's wrong with me but suddenly I feel like the most horrible human being alive. I feel pathetic and worthless and full of tears that just don't have enough energy to flow. I'm not motivated. I'm here but I'm not here. I'm moving but I'm not going anywhere and suddenly i don't know what's happening. this is how it always starts. but this time I thought that i would be stronger and I wouldn't let depression and anxiety haunt me anymore but every time seems like the first but I'm just all so used to it but I can't change it. I just feel so low and alone because I am low and alone and there's no one here for me, like genuinely here for me in the way I need them to be. and I'm continuously hoping for better to come but I know once better comes it won't last. I'm just tired of feeling miserable and then feeling selfish for feeling miserable and frankly, I'm not getting enough attention and some attention would be nice right now but my mind is the only one keeping me company lately. I just freak out over the little things and I lose track of why I even got upset in the first place and I end being a complete mess. I'm turning into a complete mess and I really don't want to.

Somber screams of embrace never felt, loud silence my only memory

                    Solitary by force of ignorance, living life through dreams

Needing is but a wish, occuring only by fantasy

                    ****** pleasures non-existent reality forfilled only by yourself

Lustful thoughts created by the mind that longs for them, never touched

                    Overdue affection decays in the chambers of your heart, fatal blockage

Bliss is stunning on me, yet its not made in my size...