We either fall

or we fly and there's no

no plateau on which to lay

to rest our heavy heads, hurtling

between each inevitable

windburntbloodscreamingcoursing

drop

and every

goddamnbreathbaringasphyxiating

                                                                  elevation.

Gravity rips raindrops from
the sky to the earth of my face,
as your fingertips violate the soft
skin of each cheek I offer.

You tell me, I make you so happy,
as salt flows viscous in the pitch
of our bedroom and I say nothing
and you say, nothing much, either.

I bring colour to a life you have never led
and I punish you for it with my silence
and my soft steps and my one single smile,
bequeathed so very grudgingly.

You try, it's true, but I am too far gone now,
too lost in her eyes as she looks at this
shadow of you that I have readily created,
this masochistic need to hurt myself.

I love you; it's times like these I know it
best, the times when I am so insubstantial
that I cannot even bring myself to speak
words I am bleeding to scream at you.

What sick love is this?
When the only time I am sure of it,
is when I feel so very very very
unsteady in your palm.

The night slinks away, with the full force
of sunlight unrefined burning
through slotted blinds.

So ends the the first time I have slept with
someone whilst tears leak from my eyes,
and I cannot say I will ever do it again.

i am sinking low
suffocating drowning
fast declining
poor health
in the head
and there is not much
that i can do about it
i wish
that this was a physical aliment
so that i could fix
myself, so much more easily
but i cannot see
the disease
but i feel it
******* hell do i feel it
within every last
single
membrane
of my war weary brain
it is so tired of fighting
as am i
as am i

So you're back again
Knocking at my door
I'd been fooled into thinking we were over
But you were waiting
you've been hiding under those veils of smiles and hope
I feel you wrapping your claws around me
Waiting to immerse yourself into me until we are completely one

Hello's my favorite word,
Perhaps a new beginning of something amazing
And it'll start with a hello
And be answered by hi
And that's the exact feeling I felt -high

And then you passed from me,
Smiles were exchanged,
And byes were uttered,
From there I fell, so *low

You're like a speed bump
In the middle of a road
I want to continue going down.

One minute we're high and
The next you have me low.
I hold on to the times
In which you're kind
But sometimes, that's only
During the night.

I want to tell myself I could care less,
But the sad thing is I care most.
My constant frown is just me
Not wanting you to know
How down you make me.

I want to be the strong one,
I've always been the strong one,
But strong isn't constant hope
Over someone who's already
Told me no.

Strong isn't wanting someone
Who doesn't want to be wanted,
Or likes to be wanted but hides
In the mountains.

You're that cup of coffee I want
At noon,
And that cup of wine I want past two.

But I should run,
Because as much as I tell myself
You're not,
You're that speed bump
That makes me feel so high
But at the same time brings me to ask myself why?

What a hopeless excuse for a human, you plague my brain like a cancerous disease.
Tarnishing my will to ever trust again.
Your breath is an utter waste, using up oxygen, you still live on unaffected by your wrong-doings.
To want you dead would be too kind, as you deserve nothing bar heartbreak and to never find love, slowly killing your mentality until you yourself become nothing.
You are no longer worthy of a single thought in my clear and beautiful mind.
No more shall your name constrict my vocal cords, restrict my breathing or bring a tear to my eye.
This shall be my last thought of you. My last mention as you are vile and I am happy.
'What a hopeless excuse for a human.'

**THE END