Sun Set Love Letters

Saw the sun set on Venice Beach tonight,
first time in awhile,
I’ve just returned from a trip overseas,
still in a constant state of both admittance and denial,

after awhile,
we realize nothing really matters,
at the same time that everything does,
so where does that put us at this point in the equation,

well here I guess,
with me writing you more love letters,

anyways where were we,
I don’t seem to be able to remember,
lately my memory hasn’t been so great,
my health has begun to deteriorate and I see everything in patterns,

oh yeah,
I remember now,
we were where I tell you of how,
I saw the sun set on Venice beach tonight,

and the tide or rather waves,
were bigger than I’d ever seen them,
and I’m struggling to stay alive,
I take it one day at a time that’s right per diem,

and I’ve got businesses all over the world,
but all I really want to do is write you these love letters,
because I still love you even after all we’ve been through,
and I vowed to stick with you for worse or for better,

even though after awhile,
we realize nothing really matters,
at the same time that everything does,
so where does that put us at this point in the equation?..

∆ LaLux ∆

Oct 5th 2018

Those girls will find out my secret,
Probably sooner than I wish;
If I should die suddenly,
(By then it matters little)
They'll read what became of me.

Pictures that I've kept
With a ribbon round the faded letters
To tie up my regret.
You'll parse them with your sisters,
And discover, I, with my final stroke,
Wrote her name with my last breath.

You'll understand why I kept them long,
You'll read the name of our favorite song;
A verse I wrote, a note to my only love,
And wonder how things went so wrong.

The rule of cause and effect holds true;
For if I'm gone, there's no effect on you;
Nothing can give rise to something,
Your reaction will prove my assumption.
You'll find me in those letters too,
Where I confessed.

i would have let you
make me into poetry
given you a map of my skin
taken your fingertips to my lips so you could push your thumb to my teeth
and guide the love letters from my throat
up to dance upon my tongue
leading every word to rest
gently upon your neck.

Silky, red-ribboned Fate.
You shine bright,
Wrapped tight around,
This silent stack of letters.
They now smell of sunlight.
Instead of the damp and dark.

Dear *******,
Stop playing with me. I don't know if you do it for amusement or just to be an ******* but I am done playing your game. Makeup you ******* mind because lord knows that I have.
You need to stop it. Stop sending me smile and kissy emojis one day, then ignore me the next.
Or tell me that I’m pretty today… then state I look like trash tomorrow.
I don’t know what your deal is. Maybe it’s that as people we are miles apart.
You are attractive, i’m not.
The video games we play are far from similar.
Maybe it’s because the music we like is so drastically different. And yes, sometimes I get mad at you suicide jokes, but I know that you are a good person.
What really gets me mad though is this back and forth. One day you want to have a full fledged conversation and some days, you can’t even look me in the eye.
I know that I’m weird compared to you. I think puns are a gift from god and you think that my double chin selfies are disgusting, but I thought you could overlook my awkwardness… but I don’t want you to overlook it anymore… i want you to embrace it.
Maybe I’m just overreacting? Maybe to you I’m just a friend, and that’s okay with me, but you have to tell me. Believe it or not, I am not a psychic.
If I am just a friend, then tell me that i am just a friend
If you like me, but you’re also talking to other people then tell me so that I don’t have to shut others out because I’m confused if something is going on between us.
And finally, in the rare case that you actually like me, then for the love of god TELL ME
And if you want nothing to do with me… then tell me. And if you think I can’t handle that… then ***** you.

I cherish the love letters
You write to me
When you're away
The ink on the page
Capturing the pretty things you would say
Just like you're here
                             by my side
Forcing my legs open wide
Your cursive understands
My ***** desires
So I'll keep re-reading your words
Until my fingers get tired.

I imagine the little things
Like you and I making breakfast together for the first time
And us sitting in a coffee shops enjoying each other company in silence
Me, writing you love letters and slipping them into your coat pockets
You, making us tea

I dream of the first time we kiss
And how I will grab you at the waist and pull you in close

I think of the first time we'll fight
And how it will keep me up all night wondering if I did something wrong
And you telling me everything is alright