in my arms
lies someone new
but in my heart
i wish it was you.

Dear future love,
I wonder where you are, who you are, what you do, what are your likes & dislikes, have we met before or how are we gonna meet, many such question triggers.
It's weird to think that you are me (I am you) living in different house, or city or may be in some other country altogether.
This may be my first writing to you in particular, but this isn't my last.
I want to write this letter to you may be cause when after few years you'll be reading this & comparing the things I've written & things I'll actually follow, will abruptly make you smile.
You know, It's gonna be worth the wait.
I hate waiting, but if it's waiting for you, I'll wait.
I want to show our kids what true love looks like, so if they find it for themselves they'll never let it go,
I'll love you when you'll forget to love yourself,
I'll gently walk besides you & let you lead,
I'll respect your every decision,
I'll always light the darkest of our paths,
I'll hold your hand while we grocery shop,
I'll always read your eyes & hug you the tightest,
I'll sing you to sleep,
I'll never stop flirting with you,
I'll understand the truth behind your "I'm okay"
I'll ask you things & in your hesitation, I'll find my answer,
I'll wear your hoodies in winters,
I'll make you the food of your choice, you need to eat & applaud even if it isn't qualified,
I'll irritate you with my repetitive calls when you'll be at work,
I'll always write you something on our monthly & yearly anniversaries even if you find it stupid,
I'll choose you clothes to wear for the day,
I'll cover you with the blanket every time you'll remove it throughout the night,
I'll pretend to enjoy your snoring tunes & get myself habitual listening to sleep,
I'll always pull your cheeks whenever you'll act cute may it be in front of your friends,
I'll clean your nose whenever you'll lick your ice-cream like a kid,
I'll make you listen the ******* of my whole day & will cross question to make sure you were listening,
I'll ask you the stupidest questions that will hit my mind,
I'll hug you whenever I'll feel low & will always cry on your shoulder,
I'll recognise your body smell of every kind,
I'll admire your all forms, the good & the less good,
I'll embrace the darks & the scars,
I'll adore you till my last breath,
I'll take care of you as your mother, treat you as a baby & elucidate sometimes as your father,
We'll sit on our rooftop & gossip some night,
When in doubt, we'll grab a blanket, run away & watch the stars,
When you'll be late at home, I'll wait for you to eat together,
When you'll get over drunk, I'll remove your shoes & let you sleep with peace for the next day interrogation,
When you'll get angry upon me for no reason, I'll never argue & understand your frustration & give you a big smile to say it's okay,
When you'll get cold & will keep me away, I'll cuddle you tighter & say let's get sick together,
When we'll fight, I'll say sorry even if it isn't my mistake, cause i cannot resist talking to you,
When we'll go out, I'll always hold your arm cause showing you off is my duty,
When you'll get nervous of anything, I'll push you up,
When we'll watch some midnight horror, I'll sit in your lap & hold you the tightest even when it isn't that scary,
When we'll play cricket on picnics, you've to treat me with ease,
When insomnia will hit me, you need to talk with me even when you're sleepy,
When you'll be sleeping till late in weekends, i'll kiss your forehead & quietly tiptoe out to my work,
When we'll go for long drives, I'll tease you to stop the car for stupid things, while your fingers interwoven with mine in motion,
When we both will turn to our 60s-70s, I'll kiss your wrinkled cheeks with no teeths,
You'll be my entire life,
You'll be the reflection of my soul,
You'll be the proof that "god still loves me".
I love you
for all that you are,
all that you've been
& all that you're yet to be.

Life's simple illusion
it's too real
the simple love is just my delusion
but your charisma, it's a steal
I don't expect much from a long overdue love letter
I wanted to be yours
It felt I belonged to you the way I wore your sweater
sacrificed it all and got on all fours
dissatisfaction
you don't need me anymore
but you still have your attraction
I don't understand, what for?

You were the man I wanted to marry
There's my downfall, my simple delusion
due to disorder, you grew wary
So, here's our conclusion

in your arms, safe from the rest of the world
your eyes were the deepest abyss into your soul
so perfect, now it's just apart of my dreamworld
so full of self-control
But it's far too late for a love letter.

Take my hand,

Deep breathes and soft lips,
I never thought I’d find a love like this.
With every kiss and quiet moan,
I know I’ve found a love of my own.

Take my whole life too,

I know I’m damaged, this is true.
But you say “show me your scars, I’ll help you through.”
I gave you my heart, and you gave me yours too,
So together we stand, hand in hand.

For I can't help falling in love with you.

m.e.

So windy outside,
it feels like this house is a boat,
sea sick feeling queazy a bit,
dizzy from the commotion of being afloat,

she loves me,
she loves me not,
if you even have to ask you already know the answer,
it’s exactly what you thought,

what’s it going to be,
choose your own adventure,
use get used win lose,
game over add another quarter,

see it feels like Time stopped,
went to sleep a young child woke up an old man,
it’s got me saying things like “When I was a kid,
we’d go down to the arcade and play video games.”,

who’s world is this anyways,
and why do I feel like this is all a dream,
I suppose I loved her because she made me feel this dream was real,
but I guess this as in us wasn’t as real as it first seemed,

I’m bursting,
at the seams,
taking the glory of this torment,
and displaying it on the screen,

so I’m back writing again,
it was either that or emotional suicide,
swear to God it’s easier to not feel at all,
than to have all these emotions bottled up inside,

see if ignorance is bliss,
and genius it torture,
than being Emotionless,
is better than being a Hopeless Lover,

still searching for something that doesn’t exist,
like a Conspiracist searching for the Loch Ness Monster,
swear it’s a curse to not live every moment as a blessing,
because there is still only now there is no happily ever after,

there is only now,
that’s how it’s always been and will be,
and right now I’m alone in this vessel that feels like a sailboat,
caught in a windstorm lost out at sea,

so windy outside,
it feels like this house is a boat,
sea sick feeling queazy a bit,
dizzy from the commotion of being afloat…

∆ LaLux ∆

Friday The 13th, April 2018

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