You once asked me,
what the world would be like
if we didn't love,
didn't smile,
didn't touch.
If we never met
under the stars.
If I never caught my breath
in the breeze of that summer night,
my heart struck by lightning.
Or maybe it was your beauty.
I told you I'd cease to exist in a world
without you,
my heart would freeze.
Shatter from the cold.
But I met you, loved you.
I know I did.
So why then
is the world
so utterly
cold.

Silence is golden
so I’ll watch you float away
in the lack of noise
you desperately need
after our lifetime of chaos
it is only fair
to let you ascend

If I’ll never find this love again
then I’ll hold it as close
as our Bellingham days
where I wish the breeze
and purple skies
would have let me
let you under my skin
oh, what we could have been

But wishing is fools gold
and the present reels in
so I will let myself
live out these moments
in a room that is candle-lit
until I can get a grip
on these distractions
and learn how to
be a friend
or a husband-
even if it’s not you,
I still need to find my center
because it is my time
to ascend too

I felt relief
although my heart did stop with grief
the silence hugged me tightly
wrapping it's warm arms around me

The relentless barking is gone
but your steady beating heart is too
your hair I used to brush
is now buried under smooth ground

My heart aches
pain spilling over
watering the plants
that grow in the dirt above you
as flowers do sprout

I pick them
you never were a fan
of how they swayed gently in the wind
tethered by roots to the ground
you preferred to move wild and free
and though your body can no more,
I feel your soak with me
so I do run along with you

The binding I know is real ,
A merging too grand to fake ,
Though I hold a primordial fear,
That the bond one day would break ,
You are a dream I will forget
when at last I awake,
And all the balms the psalms the crooked charms
Wouldn’t stop the burning and the perpetual yearning ,
Those hounds biting at my heels,
How far you are further than far
And the further you lie the more I sigh,
The more I suffer in dreams,
And now I stand naked and lonely ,
Gazing high and moving slowly ,
With a thousand ,if only,
No word can be more justified
To hold my silent testimony.

Lowly, all pleasures sink;
No happiness it ever brought.
All joys that you may think
Repaint the pain you wrought,
Shall cling to you and bring
Horrors, woes, and rot.

Woe is you, woe is me—
She passes here at last.
Her voice and her shadow cast
The void that claws and stings.
Her shroud eternal, vast,
She that lives in darkness.

And beauty falls aghast by her tears;
The winding grass dances in trance beneath her marble feet.
Light couldn’t steal a glimpse of her,
Nor day or night dared to bring her peace.

For no moon shines above her head,
And the sun forgot and turned to rot
In her birthplace in the east.

All in shame in unison cried—
Angels and hellish beasts.

For devils could not stain her heart,
Nor soothe her pain, seraphims.

She that cloaks the darkness,
Her eyes that never sheen,
Made of hope departed
And all the forgotten dreams.

She knows every whining
Soul that dared to dream

Perchance God created this world
For you to bless its ground.
Perchance God, with the love He holds,
Believed that you must be bound.

So He stole all your love
And hid it far from view,
And now you walk the earth
Without feeling in truth.

Perchance He’s in endless doubt—
That one day, you’ll forget
What He did, and what He does—
Oh, it fills Him with regret.

So He fled within the stars,
And to work was He set—
To amend and put to right
Eons of secrets.

For from your love He shall create
Everything that ever flew—
Every red, wine-rich fruit.

And in His need to express His self-hate,
From all the silent tears you abate,
God channeled all His sorrow through—
Creating that beautiful, tender morning dew.

Life gives and life takes,
Those that mean the most -
Burrowed deep within us,
Dwelling close to our hearts -
Clinging to our souls.

Some unexpected,
Some unforeseen -

For it is those losses,
Those weighted losses...
That hurt the most.

Leaving us with gaping holes,
In our chests -
Body aching...

Leaving us with only memories,
Pieces of them that continue on -
Replaying on loop.
Slight nudges to help us remember -

Remember they existed.
Remember they were real.

Those losses.

Those. Weighted. Losses.