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These are the words that define "ME".

             ~your smiling queen :)

When I judge myself
by other people's standards
I feel like a loser
and become unhappy.

When I free myself
from other people's standards
and focus on discovering
how to be joyful and happy
in the present-moment
in my everyday life
then I become
more joyful
more happy.

You make me feel awkward
Your beauty a weapon
Rendering me speechless and helpless
I am one of the waifs and strays
Standing in the shadows
Observing the game, looking for losers
Potential friends.

I'm over this thing called life
I'm over being depressed
I'm over people coming in and out my life
I'm over fake friend's
I'm over love
I'm ready for my life to end i try my best to hold it in but in the end i don't win

I am broken without a doubt
Something necessary not switching on
Destroyed my heart, wrecked my brain,
Now every ounce of hope is gone

I thought I had managed to fix myself
It only lasted so many days
My chest opened right back up
Organs in a state of decay

Slowly killed by chaos within
Feel lucky to have made it this far
The brink of unawareness
Healing wounds into scars

I am a survivor of heartbreak
Pretend my injuries are repaired
For no apparent reason other than
In case an observer stares

I am a little chipped, a bit bent,
Scared I'll completely shatter
Keep waiting for someone to show me
My ugly parts do not matter

That I am cracked but still magnificent
Imperfect, yet someone's first choice
Scrapes on self-esteem and knees
Will not change lungs or the sound of my voice

Mind racing my body
Palms sweaty from the exercise
Heart pounding, pulse sped up,
Suffocating fears become larger in size

The marks on my body do not make me weak
Regardless of what you may think
They are reminders of my strength on days
I stayed afloat; it was easier to sink

I've tried permanently mending
A thousand sampled antidotes
In my attempts to soothe with medication
Just keep layering on the coats

Sometimes when I am really hurting
Words held back break loose
Each falling out of my brain and landing
On paper eases years of abuse

But it is hard to explain how I truly feel
I'm drowning in a sea of grey
Numb myself, halt my fears,
You're done with efforts to make me stay

Everyone's having fun,
And i'm staring to gun.
Am i want to die,
Or living in the lie?!
I don't know really,
But this hard feeling.
It's killing me slowly,
Death seems so lovely,
But i'm just little coward,
Loser for going forward.
Let me sleep forever,
Let me sleep forever.

Once again
Here we go
We're playing the blame game
You can't seem
To let go
So it is all the same
Conclusions
But you don't know
Which path down where it came
So, ofcourse I am blamed
The outcome never change