When i want to have
something
i realize
i lose something
i have

The sun takes the moon away
Youth grabs childhood
Smiles take away tears
And love?
Love the entire universe

Take this universe, my love
And give me
Just once
Your smile divine

Pain
That is all I can feel
I want to eat
But how can I when my mind tells me not too
That that food will make me fat.
So I look at it
Say I deserve the pain
I talk to people
But I keep thinking they are lying
That they are just trying to make me feel better

Pain
and I know it can **** me
I know the effects
I know what I am doing
And my brain says
That this will make me happy

Pain
and that is all there is
I want to stop it.
But who said I didn't deserve it.

Burning glory,
Of such I’ve never seen.
Warmth,
Of which I’ve only dreamed.
Such light,
To shine upon the sins.
Thick smoke,
To choke the loss to win.
Who wins?
They win.
White ash,
To remind of your decay.

Crows fly,
Their carrion play.
They clap,
A murderous parade.
They bleed,
Yet they don’t so who’s to say?
I say,
You say.
Who wins?
They win.
A pause.

The next day is still.
Marrow,
***** upon the hill.
Who knows,
What happened on that day?
The monument,
To remind the price to pay.
We’ll pay.
They’ll pay.
I say,
You say.
Who wins?
They win.
They always win.

Lie to me.
Please for the sake of my sanity.
For my delicate beating heart.
Tell me that you still love me.
Even if it’s a lie, I don’t want to lose you just yet.
Reassure of me of your undying feelings.
Of your beautiful soul that still cares for mine.
Please, please tell me you still love me.
Just one more time, just for one more night.

Meet you downstairs right?
For Friday night adventures, and Saturday morning breakfasts.
Where did it all go?
How did it all vanish like smoke drifting upwards from a tear in the hatch?
I thought that maybe in some alternate timeline,
That we were going to be the perfect match.
I refuse to believe that I’m mistaken, I’m afraid to be.
Terrified really.
My stomach falls to floor, as I sort through the letters
That you sent to my hotel.
Where did that love go?

Say something, or don’t, I suppose.
Is it really that hard? I’m not quite sure I understand.
How is so easy for you to deceive me
and leave me completely stranded and lonely?
I thought you were so gorgeous when
Those words fell from your mouth.
I knew that every single one was
Dipped in deadly poison.
But it didn’t matter in the slightest.
I was determined to interpret your words as truth.
I would believe in whatever you were to say to me,
In some ways it was dangerous. I agree
The way that I was so toxically
And completely dependent on your existence.

The person I used to be,
No longer needs your false histories
But lies cold and empty
Alone, but looking back,
Honestly, it’s preferable
To the company
Of someone like you,
Someone who’s callous and heartless
And above all
A liar.

In trying not to lose you
I lost myself
I had to let you go
To find who I am again

Lost in you
Lost in me
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
Holding your breath
Letting it out
Whistling air -
Fill me with doubt.
Running away
See you someday
Hoped this would never end.
Caught in your sheets
Rolling so deep,
Could never call you a friend.
Burn down the door
On your way out -
Don’t cross that threshold again.
Tear me apart
Rip out my heart
It was only a matter of when.

I...
I dearly miss you
Not because loving you brings me to life
Not because you made me smile a little brighter
Not because I once thought we were meant to be
All these things made me desire your company
But I unspokenly wanted all your attention
If I had asked, would you have accepted?

Or would my greed and insecurities
have driven you away?
You knew my insecurities about
             my appearance
                       my family
                               my past

You took me as I was
But I never found a common ground with you
Keeping me in the dark about you
         Your attention
                  Your Patience
                            Your composure
                     seemed to all be a facade
I wouldn't notice thunderstorm in the background
   Of course, I notice
I always wanted you to be truly happy
A happiness that might not involve me
Sadly with a smile, correct myself
      Will most definitely won't involve me
              if I catch a glimpse
                  please let me smile and cry
                        Let me drunkly sing to
                          Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah