With you
now that I’m without out you
in this romantic prison
turned cemetery of memories
where the empty has
created space for a universe
I’d visited only in my dreams.
No longer can I hold you in my periphery,
but now,
now I can hold you in my arms
and in my gaze
and in my heart
freely.
Freely.

Do you ever think of me?
When we're hundreds of miles apart
When we're sleeping in two separate beds
When I'm crying into my pillow
When I tell you I miss you
When you're sitting in class
When water runs over your body in the shower
When you crush garlic for your dinner
Do you think of me?
Throughout your daily life
As the time ticks in your ear
And moments continue to pass
Do I cross your mind?
Am I something you want to think of?

I know how much I love you
But do I know how much you love me?
Is it but an illusion
That I create
Because I love being in love?

The human heart is worth about a million dollars
But you get mine for free
Not everyone can afford it
I'm not a good match for just anyone
But you get my heart for free
My whole heart
What a concept
Do you realize it?
How lucky you are
To get a million dollar heart
For free?
A heart that will always unconditionally love you
A heart that will always kiss your forehead to see if you have a fever
A heart that will always remember your tea order
A heart that will always do your laundry
A heart that will always wipe your beard clean
A heart that will always rub your back as you're falling asleep
A heart that will always laugh at your silly jokes
A heart that will always love you unconditionally
And you get it for free
You get it
Just because you show up to the party
You get it
Just because of who you are
A million dollar heart
For free

"I love waking up next to you,"
he says.
My eyes heavy
And heart full
I feel my toes wiggle
While he embraces me
And kisses my smiling cheeks
Our bare bodies under the covers
Dark and light
Wrapped up in each other
My flabby stomach
His toned thighs
My squishy sides
His chiseled chest
Euphoria washes over me
As he tells me again
That he loves waking up next to me
That he loves my little hands
That he loves my adorable cheeks
That he loves my cute smile
That he loves me

I was always cautious about using the L word
The word used after like
The big L
Because you can't take that **** back
Once you say it,
You can't unsay it
You can't unhear it

Then I found the L word
I found him
A milk chocolate man with yummy espresso eyes
A goofy, crooked smile that never quits
Tight, soft curls pushed back in a black mane
And a voice that floats on feathers

I found the L word
In between my fingers where he holds my hand
On the nape of my neck where he kisses me at night
Across my cheeks where he brushes his hand
In my mouth where he feeds me the food he's prepared

I found the L word while I was folding my laundry
While I was making us coffee
While we were talking about everything
While we were doing a puzzle and getting nowhere
While I was scrubbing his back in the shower
While we fell asleep in the summer heat under the heavy blankets

I found the L word at a time when I didn't think I would
In a person who wasn't supposed to love me
But did anyway
Despite it all

The chest falls up and
The chest falls down
The nose breathes in and
The nose breathes out
The eyelids flicker slightly and
The lips quiver none
The muscles twinge and
The veins pulse

His body is so serene
I imagine it every night
When I fall asleep
In my little twin bed
I scoot over
And make room for him
For his chest to fall up
And to fall down
For his nose to breathe in
And to breathe out
For his eyelids to flicker
And lips to not quiver
For his muscles to twinge
And veins to pulse
I want him to have room
Laying beside me
In my little twin bed

He calls me on the phone
And I hear it all
I see it all
I feel my hand draped
Over his curly little chest hairs
My pale dainty hand
Falling up with his chest
Falling down with his chest
I feel so close
Even from 250 miles away
No words need be spoken
Just breathing and snores
As we lay next to each other
Through the night
In my little twin bed

You had me at friends, but I wanted you.
You had me at gaming, but I wanted you to be player two.
You had me at metal music, but I wanted us as a group.
You see, to you, we were just friends, but to me I knew what was to become.
Now look at us falling madly in love.
To you the distance kills us, but to me I see a testament of our growth.
To you it's hard, but to me it's you that drives me to achieve what we will be.
You feel alone, as do I, but we can never say goodbye. We hold on for dear life.
Because I know that one day you'll become my loving wife.

Carbon is pummled for endless hours,
Chambers filled with all our might,
Cracks that erode while others soured,
Hope to press a diamond,
When the world will give us ours,
To merge and stretch and stay a while
Those sparkling, timeless hours

This heart should be, already,
Hurt-proof
Or one side love-proof
'*** I've learned it that way

That back you thrown at me
Walked off to the departing gate
Should have known it would be the end of this
It supposed to be die right there

But the feeling seemed lurking
They ghosted on the small side of my chest
Waited patiently there
'Till the shine of your light blasted through the flesh

I wonder what to call this feel
Should it be love or passion
Or an amusement, instead of possesion
To recall your embrace 'till my tears are all reckless

Supposed to hate you
Supposed to summoned you away
But these beats after beats,
They told me I'm dying without you

Boy, I'm dying without you
Do not ruffle my hair anymore
Do not smile at my joke anymore
Just do not, do not you dare at all

This time, do not you dare to love me anymore.

I thought I saw Ursa Minor in Lampe Park last night,
but the trees blurred my vision to the point
where I couldn't tell whether it was a constellation
or a phallus ******* on a posy of roses.

Stars don't make sense.
If amateur philosophy has taught me anything,
it's that they can't be social constructs
or a figment of your imagination
because they exist.

They're dead,
but they exist.

and they'll be here
until all my jokes about cancer
or death in general
catches up to me.