I’ve realized that the loneliest place is not the bed,
It’s the echos inside my head.

i left on a tuesday because mondays felt too cinematic.
threw a bag in the backseat —  
socks, notebook, polaroid of no one
and drove until the road forgot how to spell my name.
some towns didn’t even have exits,
just rusted signs and dust thick enough to bury a prayer.

Love is a blind eye and a broken heart
Can’t see the trouble before the start

You see what you want to and it all looks good
Can’t show you anything but I wish I could

There’s trouble in the making; love doesn’t come cheap
You will pay for it all, even if there’s nothing to keep

You won’t see it coming, you won’t have a clue
There’s going to be trouble and it’s all on you

Love is a blind eye and a cold broken heart
You won’t find the pieces after you are torn apart

An empty hole where your heart used to be
A desperate soul just dying to be free

I still have your letter,
the one you wrote me for my birthday,
I keep it in my wallet along with your picture,
I will cherish them as long as I breathe my love.

Your presence is always
on the tip of my consciousness,
every part of every day
you're always on my mind,
you never seize to dissipate
from my foggy brain.

I love you,
I love you with every piece of my shattered heart,
lost and maybe never to be found.

Every night I write and delete,
but I hope that these lonely words
will somehow reach you,
perhaps weaving your dreamy visions
that you forget when you wake up.

I will write in vain,
and you will live hopefully,
joyful, oblivious to my sorrowed existence
amidst the crashing of day and night.

My precious,
you are the curing pain,
the never-ending desire
destined to never be fulfilled.

I howl
as I realize that insanity
is consuming my senses.
Hysterical laughing is looming
in my dark horizons
like a predator stalking a desperate prey.

I may know not my way,
I may get lost
between the brightness of the world
and the darkness of my rotten mind.

I may become the fool
that you pass by someday
and not notice.

I may fade into the shadows
and never to be seen again.

But it's all bearable
because I yearn for you, my cutie pie.
I'm still feeding the flame that you started,
I never let it die.

I sit and I watch it burn
in the emptiness of my purgatory.
Warmth costs pieces of me,
but it's all bearable and forgettable
when your smile flashes
on the murky surface of my memory,

and when the revenant sound of "I love you"
rattles my walking corpse
as I walk to my grave—
the grave I dug myself.

This is where I belong
without my love.

As the light fades from my soul,
I will be shedding tears of joy
as I watch
that you have found the one that you love.

Content by your radiant essence,
I will die
with a smile.

The sun comes out loud, like it owns the whole day,
It shines like it’s sure I’ll be okay.
It burns through the curtains, expects me to move —
Like light means life, and I’ve got something to prove.

But the moon doesn’t ask me to rise or perform,
It waits without judgment, calm and warm.
It shows up in the silence, when the world shuts up —
And reminds me that just being here is enough.

There’s peace in the dark when the day is done —
I feel more at home with the moon than the sun.

Molten tributaries
Live in my shoulders
Nerves stare me down
With contempt,
Dead-eyed
Salve upon salve
Licked away in time
Bloodied nails
Dig further through
My neck stretches
Like old glue
Snapping, without breaking
My hips take ahold
As if I am on a ledge
As if Im about to fall
Ankles loose in their skin
Try and try again
Cry and cry again
Numbness arrives
At night, to be held
Pokes me awake
I cannot escape
These children of pain,
No story
Brings satisfying meaning
They are simply here
Staring at me,
Pleading,
Some livid,
Some choked of feeling
I am left to carry them
With the very same body
They torture.

Tears squeezing one by one
From eyes that feign untroubled sleep
Slowly flows
From taut cheeks
Quivering from suppression
Of lips dying to scream out
The words of frustrations
The sentences of antagonism
The paragraphs of vulnerability
That is never allowed to be free
And how they trickle one by one,
Slowly dampening
The pillow that witnesses
All the defenselessness
Of a lonely girl
With voice that shouts
Yet unheard and unsung,
With eyes that implores
Yet unseen and unperceived,
With hands that reaches
Yet untook and ungrasped,
With a heart that waits
Yet forgotten and abandoned.

I need to feed
to sate my greed
I need to kiss
the one I miss
I need to cry
but dry I sigh
I need to play
on another day
I need to laugh
also a bath
I need to scream
another bad dream
I need to drive
to keep me alive
I need to read
my soul to feed
I need to create
it's not to late
I need someone
for warmth and fun
I need to live
theres more to give
I need to care
for another out there.

In metro, observing quietly.
Trying to memorize every face sharply.
Looking for a sign or the one for me.
Something holy, that makes me less lonely.

Other ones don't seem to be as interested as me.
All heads bent downwards, faces dripping into screens.
I can't help but wonder why I have this habit,
A part of me craves someone worth a ring, not a sentimental labyrinth.

Perhaps a piece of me wants to be seen,
Or asks someone to be just keen.
After all, no matter how hard I suppress these emotions
I find it overflowing, oh to be a human being.

It's such a weird dichotomy,
To have the art of noticing coded in me.
I can't help but wonder,
Will I ever find someone as me, ultimately?

In my dreams the scenes unfold pretty neat.
The moment I find someone with this habit,
The time we realize we found the other half after a long bit,
Would we be making moves or just sit?

Two minds who dread starting the conversation firstly.
The real thing that scares my soul is the possibility,
Of finding the one and losing it immediately.
The one who witnesses it all, but never dares involving,
I guess that is the weird dichotomy.

Trying to connect in the metro, is it some form of grieving?
By attempting to leave something aside that I never managed to win over.
Forcing the mirror of my soul to not collide with others as judging gazes hover.
So I'll stare at the blinking station lights and fake that I am not a loner.