He got a new computer on August 18, 2023,
In the blue light, in his room, the first thing he did
He messaged a boy, said he wanted to see him,
He loved a boy, and he wanted to see him.

The word hate appeared
197 times in their messages since
Aug 18, 2023 at 5:18 AM
125 of those were the word “whatever”

“i’m down for whatevs i jus wanna see uouuu”,
“ I will Fr see you tomorrow by whatever means necessary”,
“Whatever you’re comfortable with tho Fr”,
“They can think whatever they want I love you”,

“Whatever your heart desires Fr, this is your last semester of
highschool ever so you really just want to be happy with it”,
“I will do whatever I can to support you”,
“whatever works for you my love”,

Hates, hate, and hated: 66 results
I hate you: 0 results
I thought it beautiful, that when searching for
Hate, so much love was found instead.

Of the 465 days from when he bought his
Computer, we only get to peer, at one facet
Of their lives, one snippet of time.  A historians tragedy
To have something like this, and know it

Shows so much, but not enough. Of the 465 days
These boys sent 412 Goodnight messages,
and 290 good morning ones. Two people in love
Think about each other all the time, but few

Take the time to say it-
Thinking about you: 207 results
I miss you: 335 Results
Why is love often felt strongest in absence,

Why are words always longer in the past tense?
Out of 465 days, on one form of communication
Results for “I love you” were well over 1000.
Searching for “love” made the computer he bought crash.

On an autumn afternoon, I order chai, but she prefers pumpkin spice.
I watch candle-lit shadows dance over her acid pool eyes.
A thrashing storm in my chest, I feel myself be ****** into her abyss
I'm melted quickly; my dying wish is for my remains to fall in her cup so I can meet her lips.
But if I can't have that, then bury me with the leaves and cinnamon sticks.
And at my grave, leave me something pumpkin spice.

He wants to be your boy
Soft and innocent
And rough, but coy
Though, he knows he'll never be intimate

You want to be a boy
A defined jaw
Ecstatic and full of joy
The most handsome boy you ever saw

I am a boy
I ruffle my hair when I talk
Standing confident in corduroy
But the definition is lost in the fog

i guess i’m a hopeless romantic.
want to buy petty little things
to see a crack in his pretty smile

want to pick buttercups for him
so i can see the glow on his face
yellow, radiant, much like him

on a summers night drinking
cheap beer and kissing him
knowing his taste over *****

in his bed listening to his
billy joel and nirvana cds
not noticing them playing but

his green eyes piercing my soul
as he side eyes me and smirks
laying in my arms warm embrace

just let the goings go
and the time flow out

like fine wine
drinking it with you

on the beach of my making
but who knows?

anything could happen

A third of you want to
Play pretend, like Barbie and Ken.
Americas a dream house in a
Dreamland.

As if we aren’t all feeling the
Same fires or drowning in
the same
Waters.

We need you to
Pay attention too.
Ignorance may seem like
Bliss for now

A third of you want to
Stay uninformed
Negligence is a nod
To the oppressor to
Go on and push through

A third of you will see a
Third of us dead on the
Streets and try to weep.

trapped in body i don’t own
mourning what i could’ve been
by each day i feel more and more alone
this world has never seen anything like me
i see the world a little differently
searching my pockets for a dime
it has became a routine
i just wanna live peacefully
but that’s hard when you’re not sitting in a limousine
but instead you’re sitting in a body thats not your own.
i tried to fix myself
but now i’m all torn
my skin is harsh, brittle
but still i might be getting there
little by little
something’s telling me to lean towards substances
if its broken it has to be destroyed,
its me who’s broken
even though i’ve sewn my cut up skin
the scars just won’t disappear

to my future lover,
to my future boy,
to my future love of my life and the like.

we haven't met yet,
and i'm not sure if we will,
but i'm willing to ask you a few questions of mine.

promise you'll be gentle?
promise you'll be kind?
promise you'll be loyal, mine and only mine?

i hope it's not too much,
i hope i'm not too much,
i hope you're okay with those requirements of mine,
i hope you're okay with holding me in your arms,
to drown,
to melt,
to snuggle in every inch of them.

please be gentle,
please be honest,
please be kind,
please be mine.

always, with undying love,
yours, sammy.

When the sun welcomed the night, I was sure it would never rise again
The cold crisp air reminded me of the warmth I lacked
Meeting you was like reuniting with an old friend Nostalgic in its familiarity, my soul recognized yours
You guided me to the light, promising I would never be cold again
An undeniable reflection in your eyes, I saw myself warmer than I'd ever been
It was then that I realized morning had arrived after all

i wonder what his hair feels like
as i comb through them with my fingertips

or how his skin feels, my dopamine spikes
when he traces down my spine, lips on lips

or maybe his breath on mine as i kiss him
just after he brushed his teeth, minty

could it be his guiding hands on my limbs?
as he looks so sweet and divine.