No farewell,no funeral
Just a love that died
Without dying
And a girl still dressed on mourning
For a man who never came.

I wish I lacked empathy.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to see signs.
I don’t want to be real.

One minute, I’m fine—
then my soul explodes in my chest.
I wish I didn’t see that.
But I did. And now, no rest.

I wish I could shrug,
say “that’s not my concern,”
but every flicker of pain
Causes my stomach to hurt.

I notice the silence,
the shift in your tone—
there's nothing in your voice
It's all I think about alone.

This is why I'm standoffish and stick to just me
There's no ache in loneliness
At least not the kind that stings

Maybe I'll make friends but that feels like betrayal
These self imposed rules- a safe fortress failure

I wish I didn’t feel
At least not to this extent
My day was going so good
But I ruined it again

I'd tell you I wanted to be the love of your life
I'd whisper it softly, hoping you might feel it too
Maybe you would laugh
Bt I'd bite my lips and try hard not to cry.

Bt I never told you
And maybe I  never will
Because some truths are too tender to offer
To hands that never asked to hold them.

I will lose all that I am,
I will lose all that I desire
Because that's what runners do
They run after they start the fire
And maybe I am walking now
But that doesn't change the past
I set the house on fire and
I can't expect you standing there when I walk back
But still I'll pace around the wreckage-
Searching for glimpses of you
And all I'll find is smoke and fire- you loved me, I punished you

Do I reach out and plead my case?
Or
    Let
          It
             Go...

Time goes by slower

           When I'm Desperate
                        
                        To know what you're doing

There's no point of yearning,
I can't have you now
This longing it's hurting,
and bringing me down
I don't want to let you go,
but I can't have you wait
I wish the circumstances were better,
or that I was someone you hate
You deserve someone steady,
not this constant tide
While you came to my carnival,
you never wanted a ticket to this ride
I borrowed glitter from ghosts
and disguised my pain,
You came here for peace,
not my torrential rain