Its crazy to think that after all this time you have yet to get sick of me.

i love you so much
today
tomorrow
and the uncertain next second.
through our anxiety and my tendencies
through your nausea and guilt.

my love,
i will love you today
i will love you tomorrow
but what if there's no tomorrow.
what if i turn to ash
what if i'm six feet below the ground
will you know?
will you realise?
4483 miles away?
will your hands reach my burning body?
will your lips touch my lips that are fading?
will your tears stain my face that now serves as a garden for new life?
will i feel your knees making a burrow in the ground
as you crouch over and tell me all the things you never could?

tell me will you promise me not to make it rain too much?
give me your word, you'll find another someone to love
say you'll get off the mud and make your way back home
because i have the privilege today
of easing you out of your misery, even by just a budge
but tomorrow you may be the one
trying to open my eyes, giving me a nudge
wake up
don't go just yet
we never got to dawn or dusk.

my love,
we never got to dawn or dusk
but you will
you will, right?
let go before you hit the bone
let go before you can't feel a thing anymore
let go
remember me
but let go.

for the last time,
i'm sleepy
goodnight
i love you.

Please don't hurt
Across the computer screen
I cannot hold you in my arms
I can't stand when your eyes fill with fear
And your voice becomes monotone
Our souls are too similar
That your pain seeps through your monitor
Into my veins
I know my touch
Would wash your worries away
But for now
I send my light to you, my dear
One day
I will press my palm upon your face
As you do mine

she makes me
soar
like a science-fair soda rocket, the tails of children's screaming glee

she makes me
fly
on wings of kites, that stream back in nylon ribbons to loving hands

she makes me
burn
the white ash on dewy green grass, new July morning

she makes me
fall
landing on pillows, laughing into soft sheets so obscenely wrinkled-

she makes me
crave
sweater dipping low on her shoulder, smiling up, the way she whispers between our lips:
you make me.

The voices in my head are getting so loud. They want me to jump off the ******* building or electrocute myself or shoot myself or jump in front of a car. They are thoughts of you and memories which I can't live without. Memories I don't want to live without but I only want these memories if I have you. Long distance is hard, it kills and you fight a lot but when you love, you love a lot more. I saw pictures of you with other men (men not man) and you already know how I feel about that. You already know I hate that. Those ******* pictures make me bitter about you but my heart, oh my heart just wants to embrace you and love you. I remember how you sat me down and promised that this will never happen again and it did. I remember how you called me one night and promised me that wont happen but that did too. You broke your promise, your commitment and my trust too. Speaking of that picture again (I just can't get it out of my head), you had said the night before that you will only hang out with your girlfriends and you'll keep your distance from those boys but well you couldn't keep that word either and then you didn't even tell me about how you sat with that boy (whose name rhymes with cheese) and watched the concert at the beach while I was unaware, missing you because I had a surprise news for you. I never gave you that news and I guess you will never know now that you aren't here. I never asked for too much. Just the simple stuff and that was my right too and you know I was right too. Just asked for you to not expose your curves, to stay simple, to not get pictures like that (the one mentioned above, still can't get over it), not to be in a situation that leads to pictures like that & to not break your promises. Tell me was that too much. You said I was insecure and maybe I sound like it too and maybe to some extent I am insecure because I didn't want to lose you and I couldn't bare see your name or you besides another man, but was that too much to ask for. Because that was all I asked for. Can someone please hit my head with a baseball bat and make me forget everything including my name or who I am. Because I want all this to end. Oh I want all this to end. And I know you will be back again like every time but you will continue on this path of broken promises and false commitments mixed with your ******* lies. Hope. Hope though is a ***** that makes you believe it won't (or will) happen when you know that it will. And I know it will.

we still have hearts shaped for each other
soft spots on our sore souls
my first love, my dearest friend, my worst goodbye
to be over you is to be dead, nonexistent
and i am so alive
in the friendship we struggle to build from the ashes of a desperate love
in the toeing the line
in the winter we spent entwined
i grew into a fire with you
and now i am cold and the sky is dull and i wish for your hand on my leg in the lazy part of the day
i love you still
my first
and i know your heart still beats in time with my fingers on the piano
i hear it from our great distance
and it lulls me to sleep on my loneliest nights
you are the aching in my chest and i hate it
you are the lightening of my stomach
you are the sorrow in my sorry heart
i don't need you but i'll be ****** if i don't want you
i miss you in the way i know you whisper my name when you're alone
in the way i know you reach for me even when your bed is half empty
in the way i know you realize how good i was to you, unbearably so
we are in love until the end
so let's go down in flames

I love her
Does she love me?
I'm waiting for her under the Tumtum tree
she said that she'd be coming soon
the field's in bloom
she told me she'd be waiting here
the sky is fair

we'll hug and kiss like lovers do
like we did so long before
you'll press our foreheads together and
I'll twine my fingers into yours
but you stole half of our soul
and took it with you on a plane
3 825 kilometers
2377 miles
so long
ago.

she told me just keep waiting still
she told me half a year ago
my bones are pale, the flies are gone
but she will come.

she said she'd come.

I love her
Does she love me?