Tender light of gentle star
Splendid night by lunar measure
Loathe the shining kiss of day
Where busy work takes place of leisure.

2:00am
***** sheets
A locked up jaw
And dread-dried-joy

It’s at 3 am
when I imagine you.
Your hands, the way you move them
around my body, roaming through.
Your voice makes me go weak,
my legs trembling at each word.
I have been like this for a week.
The way you’ve got me is absurd.

There is nothing like waking up exhausted.
You want to go back to sleep, but you can't.
You aren't sure if you were asleep to begin with.
You had laid in bed for so long in a half-asleep haze
that you can't be sure whether you finally slipped into your dreams or not.

But going by how miserable you feel,
trying to force tired limbs out of bed
while your eyes want to close for just a little while longer,
You can only assume the answer.

What time did you wake up anyway?
3 or 4 in the morning?
What time did you go to bed?
9 O'clock?
You should feel less tired,
but the reality is that you took three hours of tossing and turning,
praying for sleep,
before finally slipping into it for just a few
scarce moments before you're
jerking back away at some ungodly hour
just to spend the next two trying to fade away again.

And then you have to get up.

i never believed it whenever someone
would describe me using the word beautiful.
it never rung right
it was always as though
the word could never naturally roll off someone’s tongue
with me on their mind.

i remember where it began:
when I was told I wasn’t worthy
and that I am everything
nobody wants.
but I hope you’d be proud to hear
that I never fell,
i just learned to walk through silence
thinking that no words
could ever shatter the quiet.

and then you came
and through the thick walls,
i heard a slight echo of your voice.
and although it was hard to hear at first
i hear it a little clearly every time you say it:
beautiful.
i’m still in the emptiness
trying to find my way out
but there’s comfort in hearing your voice,
there’s comfort knowing
that you’re here
try to lead me out of this silence.

i thought that was the last.
i was sure that i would never feel what it’s like
to have you hold me close to you ever again.
i thought that our kiss under the bare trees
and winter sky was our last.
and for a moment,
i desperately tried running back
to feel it just once more.

one more kiss.
one  more moment when your fingers intertwine through mine.
one more moment when you held me close.

so when you wrapped your arms around me
and ran your fingers through my hair,
when i felt your hand pull me back
and you smiled at me
before planting a kiss on my lips
after what felt like an eternity
of chasing the past,
i found my world moving forward once again.
i no longer needed to mourn for the past,
you  are still here in my present,
and in my future,
which is full of moments
just waiting for us to live them.