(Nasally)
Ya say ya wanna look good?
Ya say ya wanna look young?
Ya say ya wanna take on the world again?
(clap)
Tell ya what I’m gonna do!
The secret is not in any little bottle.
No sir! Not a bit of it!
Step right over, friend.
I’m gonna tell ya the secret that works!
The Golden Key. The Fountain of Truth.
Yessiree bob! The Blessed Path. The open door!

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Do you pop out at parties?
Are you unpoopular?
(clap)
Do people turn off lights and hide when you come by?
Do some people refuse to return your calls?
Do you find yourself alone most of the time?
Are you under threat of being fired?
Are you sick of forgetting where you parked?
Do you wake up in the morning or come to?
Tell ya what I’m gonna do.
Step over here, friend.
I’ll give you the secret.
(There ya go, and when you get there, there ya are!)

Part of the problem is the solution.
You are drinking a solution that lies.
It says everything will be okay, if you drink.
Drink more. Yessirreebob! Recognize it?
(clap)
You take a drink or two after work and then…
It’s morning, you remember nothing, then
The whole shebang starts all over again.
You started out inviting people over
But, they used up your ***** and dope.
And there you were staggering
Down to the store to buy more
Struggling to write your name on the check.
But, what the heck. You were popular
But no more. All that is left is the store.

So, ya say ya wanna get better, fast?
Don’t put the cork in the bottle.
Throw the bottle away. Don’t buy more.
That’s the real score, the secret.
(clap)
You can’t have it both ways.
Either you wanna get better and live
Or you will keep on trying to give up
Without surrendering. It’s amazing.
You’ll feel like crap for a while
But you do now, and never smile.
(clap)
So, that’s the way it gets done.
It happens to everyone who wants
To get off the merry-go-round
And settle down to living, and smiling.
After you quit the daily drinking bit.

Nobody marching toward us
Their guns making us die.
No tanks are come clanking
No bombers in the sky.
But our Congress and generals
When oil or bases seem needed;
We appear armed and threatening
Peace and love talk not heeded.

No country has attacked us
With troops and lethal artillery.
But our leaders expect us to
Go open up their arteries
And **** their women and children
And laugh while they all die
And we are expected to do this
And never think to ask why.

It’s almost like big companies
Were sad when WW2 ended
So they started attacking countries
We really should have befriended.
We let Russia have free reign
To **** and ****** and steal
Almost as if their aggression
Wasn’t really true or even real.

We looked around and made them,
Those evil old warlike excuses,
That some country threatened freedom
And we pretended they weren’t ruses.
We attacked Korea and Vietnam
We were just supposed to observe
That they were yellow people there
And think they got what they deserved.

We didn’t stop there, as Reagan took
A duly elected leader and put him in jail.
If any country did that to our country
The conservatives would howl and rail.
Then the Bushes tried their best to take
Iraq to steal their oil and punish them
And created an era of stronger hatred
And anti-American outrage and mayhem.

No foreign country has attacked America;
So, the point bears repeating once again.
We need to stop acting like bullies here
And start acting like decent statesmen
And women who have the bigger picture;
The growth of peace in our battered world
So, other countries will not take their guns
And shoot our flag when it’s unfurled.

I’ve reached that age where I dodder
And when I forget becomes fodder
For impatience and often abuse.
I apologize but it’s seldom any use.
I have learned to smile and tip my hat
As I am now the oldster I once laughed at.
My face tells a story with every wrinkle
And it now takes me longer to ******.
I have to get up two or three times a night
Which means my kidneys aren’t working right.

Getting up from a chair is a three part thing
And I can’t do it without some moaning.
I’m very glad for a thing called remote control
Because it’s a saving grace for growing old.
I moved the coffee maker closer to my chair
So I don’t have to walk so far over there.
I’m thinking of swapping my end table in a smidge
To replace it with a my own personal mini-fridge.
That will save me even more trips over and back
By loading it with sodas and some clever snacks.

Now just in case some might think I’m *******,
I’m not, it’s just that my habits are now switching.
It another phase of living life, is all it means
Like switching to Sansabelt slacks instead of jeans.
I had plenty of fun when I was young and foolish
So, there is no sense of anyone getting ghoulish.
I’m full to the brim with carefully gathered memories
And a scant few of them could be called miseries.
Mostly I have been pretty much a happy kid
And now enjoy the wisdom from all I did.

My world today is upside down
When truth is lies and cheating;
When the country is run by a clown
Who wants to be beyond defeating.
When robbing the poor is fun
For those who don’t need money.
When taking sick people’s insurance
To the wealthy is something funny.

The world is thinking with it’s ****
If looking back to Nazis is correct.
We have the burden to protest this,
We have a society we must protect.
Some are badly uneducated now
Because we have lowered the bar
On what we teach our children today.
Yes, we have sunk down that far.

As a people, we don’t seem to care
About who is making our laws now.
The law is full of massive restrictions
But most of us have no idea just how.
How did they get there, these rules
That support the rich and corporations?
When did we become this leviathan
Of criminals running our fine nation?

So, what can we do, short of revolution?
Do we all march in the streets and strike?
Do we stop buying cars and houses
And go to work every day on a bike?
Do we boycott spending money at all
Until the crooks are cleared away?
And how do we tell good from bad
In the way things are slanted today?

We all must speak and write and demand
Of the current representatives elected
To look to the precedents we have had
Upon which our great country was erected.
We founded this country on equality
And promised freedom for us all.
We have the burden to see to it
That our government answers that call.

I was hoping for sunshine
Instead you brought me rain.
I thought it would be all pleasure
But it ended up causing pain.
I wish you’d sung me love songs
That fell on my ears like psalms
Instead you turned away from me
And I had nothing in my palms.

I wanted to assuage my heart
That I would not be alone
But I seem to be a person who
Disgusts you to the bone.
I’ll never understand how you
Could turn from hot to icy cold
Somehow the love you felt at first
Quite suddenly got too old.

You no longer gently smiled at me.
And you found my jokes unfunny.
We began to live in cloudy skies
That never quite turned to sunny.
We both had misjudged the other
And things went south from there;
Made a wrong turn at Albuquerque
And I think I know just where.

It started when you realized
I’m not good at one-month stands.
You looked up and looked around
To see who else was at hand.
And since there are always those
Who date based on a guy’s looks
You became all hot and bothered
And I became one for the books.

One more notch on your pistol
A face to avoid on meeting.
One more victim of your game
That deserves no kind of greeting.
The good side of this story is
I am no longer under your spell.
I am going to move onward now
And let you sashay to hell.

Why are you leaving?
What did I do wrong?
Why are you not coming home,
Back with us where you belong?
You don’t hug me any more
You and Mom seem so mad
You’re always acting sore.
Have I done something bad?

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?

When I am acting angry
You both hound me to ask
What is going on with me
Or you both take me to task.
You don’t let me be cranky
Without any explanation.
So, what on earth is different
In this family situation?

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?

I want things to be back again
Like they were before all this.
I want to be rewarded often
With a kind word and a kiss.
I want to work hard in school
To bring home good grades.
But it doesn’t seem important
In this crazy mess you’ve made.

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?

Mama says she hates it
That you want to go away,
And it hurts her to know you
Don’t need us both today.
She says you’ve changed now
And want to be more free.
That’s fine for you, I guess.
But what about her and me?

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?

The President showed me
I get to cheat and even lie.
And if I do wrong no one
Even gets to ask me why.
The President showed me
By not paying his bills
That being honest is stupid
And what’s important is my will.

I don’t ever even have to keep
Any promises I might have made.
He’s the President after all
And he has made the grade.
So why should I work hard
And pay for all I might get?
He has never done that before
And he hasn’t done it yet.

The President showed me
I get to get married some day
And still sleep with hookers
And be a good guy either way.
The President is a fat man
And sloppy when he dresses
So, why should I have to diet
And deal with laundry messes?

The President also demonstrates
It’s just fine to backstab friends
Because the business of being rich
Is where all friendships end.
The President must be good guy
He lives in a very fancy place
And how can someone that rich
Be a major public disgrace?

For all my tales of braggery
I am the eloquent loser.
Out of thousands of choices
I will pick the ******,
The liar, the layabout or thief.
Then starts my florid tales
Designed to mask my grief.

I list the virtues of the guy,
The Prince Charming I caught
And talk about his attributes
None of which he has got.
I treat him like aristocracy
Even though he never works.
My friends wonder how I can
Align myself with such a ****.

So, that means more stories
To extoll his many talents
Even though he has so few
To brag about on balance.
I keep thinking my eloquence
Will overcome his character,
His many alluring facets
Or lack of which whatsoever.

It’s sad the lengths I have gone
Trying not to be so alone.
I have been accused of being
Like a dog with a favorite bone
In my attempts to justify
The awful choices I have taken.
But I don’t listen, I only talk
Any advice is all forsaken.

That’s how it goes with me
If I can explain things away,
Like Scarlett, I'll think about it
Maybe on some other day.
Maybe then I'll finally understand
Why I do what I always do.
But we eloquent losers don’t care
So very much what is true.

I keep on telling the truth,
You know, like you never do.
I call you by name and say
All I say about you is true.
I wrote poems about you,
What the hell do you want?
You ignore all I have said
You ignore all my taunts.

I want you to sue me
Then with proof that you lie
The world can finally rest
And bid you goodbye
As they drag your fat ***
Off to Leavenworth jail
Where you won’t have Twitter,
Internet or even email.

I hope you get convicted
As the Corrupter In Chief
Because you are nearly
The worst kind of public thief.
You steal from the poor
And have kidnapped children,
And you  think your cowardice
Is a secret and is hidden.

Daily I hope someone intelligent
Will go sue you for defaulting
On the promises you made us
That have been obviously insulting.
You broadcast your hatred for us if we
Are not rich, perverted Republicans.
Now you are reversing all the good
That decent people have done.

I am ashamed of the millions
Who act like you are Jesus
When it’s as plain as your nose
You are like an obese Rhesus.
I’m sorry so many people are nuts,
Too weak-minded to recognize
What an ugly fate for America
You are unveiling before their eyes.

Love is not just about you
And surely not just about me.
Love never exists anywhere
Unless we’re both free.
It cannot be a prison
Where one holds the key.
Love is not just about you
And surely not just about me.

Love is never selfish
If so, it’s something different.
It may be lust or desire
But it is some other sentiment.
You might wish it to be love
But if it’s all about what you meant
Then it is something besides love
Caanot stand as its equivalent.

If you love someone you wish
They get all that is good for them.
You say prayers for their life
And then you say amen.
Because you wish them to have
All the joy there ever has been,
And when they get that, you wish
That it will happen once again.

So, how can it be love if you
Wish only what you may need?
How can it be love if it is
All about your own sense of greed?
Love is not just about you
And surely not just about me.
Love never exists anywhere
Unless we’re both free.