i've learned a lot of things in the last ten years
and one of those things
is that a 9 1/2 years isn't long enough
to stitch back together a wound
made of broken trust
                                       and lust
it's just...

festering.
still.

there is salt on my lips to this day
making the fragile skin crack and bleed
blood is also salty, you know.

they were wrong about bloodletting.
all these years and the poison you left behind still sits
heavy in my veins.

do you know that i still think about those roses on my windshield?
or that rough kiss in the elevator?
or the way you grabbed my arm, firmly,
because you knew i didn't want it.

the fear,
sweeping my nervous system like frost across a window,
as i walked out to my car at night
and found evidence that someone else had been there.
quickly locking my doors behind me and trying not to cry
more salt.
too much salt.
i need to rid myself of all this ******* salt.

you salted the earth behind you.
it wasn't consecration.
it was devastation,
designed to prevent anything beautiful from growing in this place.

it worked, for a while.

but i don't flinch when he kisses me anymore.
and i spent 7 years turning roses into something beautiful
for somebody else
so they could stop being a reminder of my own
hell.

so the wound isn't fully healed, this is true.
but less and less do i think of you.

they say the only cure for salted earth is time.
3-10 years to be exact.
i'll be rid of you soon.

Jesus- has got to be the foundation to get others to Heaven
Others- a lot easier when Jesus is the foundation
Yourself- to love others as yourself you have to love yourself
= JOY

You are the strength that built my spine,
The steady hand, the guiding line.
Through silent nods and quiet care,
I’ve always felt your presence there.

Your lessons shaped the life I’ve led,
Your words still echo in my head.
Though time may change the paths we tread,
You’ll always be my hero, Dad.

Say you'll remember, my love, my dear,
Through every moment, far or near.
Kiss me softly when you go,
Like a breeze that whispers low.

Kiss me sweetly when you're back,
Under stars in the velvet black.
Let your lips tell stories true,
Of the love that binds me to you.

Love me till the morning light,
Hold me close through the fading night.
Hearts in rhythm, two souls align,
Forever yours, forever mine.

I too ...
am grief stricken
& wanted of wear
I'm still haunted by
that place ...
where the Truth lies
& Souls be ******
without hope
or care !!!

I know that I love you still,
because every time I pray to the Lord,
your somehow in it.
Weaved into my prayers of health, my prayers of love, my prayers of happiness, is your name.
Because your somehow forever in my life, as a memory and as a figure, and I don't know how to accept that.
And even though I hate to admit it, I will pray for your love until the Lord pulls me the other way.

Walking through the park
Light pores through trees and leaves
Two swans stand casually preening themselves
Their white feathers lifting gently then settling, then lifting in the wind
A heron parks on a wooden post in the pond
Signets busy themselves on the surface
Just being, being there to witness this
That's all that is needed today
Being..