when she’s little she loves him the most

she loves him best

but then he can’t hide the crack(s)

and slowly she loves him less

–

the disappointment seeps in like thick black tar

it hardens around her heart

so not even all the broken glass can smart

she’s grown up but she’s so scared to love

because she spent it all fifteen years before

on someone who always left her striving for more

–

it’ll never be enough

i don't want to die.
just not exist for a while.
sleeping but
the world forgets about you
for as long as you lay down.
a quiet body
in an empty room.

i am running from my problems
but i
run in
spirals.

Where is the inspiration that I once possessed?
Where is the love that once sprouted from my fingertips?
Where are all the flowers that once grew around my feet,
with each step I took?

It seems as though
lately I've abandoned my gardens,
and left all the flowers to wilt and turn to dust.
The lives that I once cared for,
are now all scattered around the ground.

My spring light is somewhere lost in this winter cold,
and this winter has been going on for too long.
My body is numb from the breeze the December nights send me.
I once rose with the early sun in the morning,
but now I find my self serenading the moon each night.
Hoping maybe she will understand all my pain and issues.

These nights are graceless.
These nights are long.
These nights have me lost,
walking and searching for the sun.
Always ending up in places
that are just too dark.

Where is the sun that once loved me like a child?
Will I ever end up in a perfect place?
Am I just crying them to the moon?
Will this all be over soon?

i don't get it
i don't understand
the chemistry
the frequency
is falling out of my hands
what is it about me?
what is my problem?
why aren't i like them?
them like me?
things like that
could never be

I simply cannot express myself any other way,
I can only do so with a puddle of ink on my paper day by day.
The words don't flow as easily with a pen and paper sitting in front of me
It'll take too long for me to write.
I simply cannot tell you how I feel naturally
My anxiety stops me, my fears stop me, and I hesitate or choke on my own words.
So if you could just please understand that I express myself with writing or songs,
Then maybe you and I would get along.
Just a little more.
I know you care and I know you wanna help,
but how can you help me when you're too busy ignoring me?!
I live in fear of loving and trusting others,
Always doubting those who confess to me because anyone who ever has done that,
has left.
Perhaps I just wasn't good enough or maybe it was just me in general, perhaps it could've been them as well but either way I'm tired.
So please just ******* love me, please ******* understand that you're not the only ******* one who needs help.
I do too.
Please.
Hold me, please.