Hold me tight
Hold me like a gun you will not shoot
Just embrace being the keeper of fate
To have the power to end it all and thus end this momentary suffering
Hold me like a mother, countless of times comforting her child and letting her soft cotton top soak up the tears
Just take me and squeeze me so I don't feel
So that the only thing I'm aware of is your touch and my body is a log and my brain is a dock and the waves crash
The buzzing wind in my ears
The crackle of the bones
The wetness of the shore
I look up, lifting my head above water
Your eyes warm and blue-grey with seagulls
I'm your little baby
And your prey.

I grew through
What I went through
I still have
that same issue
I still have
that feeling of
Saying
that I miss you
When I see
your favorite color
I always think
I always wonder
What might have been
A former lover

But then I know
that I remember
You ******* ****
And I've done better
Off without you
I'll count the numbers
I'm better off
You'll always love her
I'm better off
And I'm no better
I'm better off
How'll I recover?
I'm better off
Without you

It always pains me
when I see you
two together
Just you wait
until you tell her
all the crazy
**** you've done
and that you'll never
stay forever
Or that you're scared
to be alone
you're always looking
at your phone
Hey what's it like
atop that thrown?
It must be nice
I wouldn't know


But then I know
that I remember
You ******* ****
And I've done better
Off without you
I'll count the numbers
I'm better off
You'll always love her
I'm better off
And I'm no better
I'm better off
How'll I recover?
I'm better off
Without you

they nod their head
as if they understand
but don't fool with me
your eyes are glazed
and the notes that you are scribbling
cant measure the pain ive felt
i pull out the symptoms from clenched teeth
legs swinging in the air
on and on
an endless list
you grow restless
and when i open my mouth to continue
you walk out the door
that's when i realize
even the doctors don't know what to do with me
Esther L. Krenzin

there is a door at the foot of my ribcage
that says "do not enter"
yet they knock anyways
inviting themselves into my home
only to leave
when they've seen enough.
Esther L. Krenzin

knew it wasn't healthy
scrolling through old texts.
you snuck time to text me
you weren't doing what you should be,
" Je t'aime a la folle",  I love you madly.
morning by morning
my screen lit up
every morning waiting for you,
my heart flutters like its all brand new.
ur consistent clues
it's like you just knew
how much I had fallen for you.

you read me like a book
understood how I felt with every look,
we stood so strong
strong for so long,
not even recognizing our insane compatibility
it was easy, to just be.
you made me feel proud
loving me for me
genuine, compassionate
can't you just be here next to me?

my phone misses your calls
I want to be the person you confide in when you fall
but you don't,
you don't want to reveal yourself at all.
standing on your own
please know you're not alone.

It wasn't a problem
just a tick really
it's kind of silly

It was nothing much
correcting tilted things
organizing rings

It wasn't a problem till after
when nothing was clean
and hands had to gleam

Skin was cracking
it was like a disorder
everything had to be in order

In the beginning,
A slight flame,
so pretty.

There is no cold,
Just a lack of heat.

You still were the warmest place they knew;

To even force a fire out of you.

To burn you down to ashes,
Left with not even a spark,

There still is no warmer place than you.

Even when it's left with no fire,
Not even warmth,
But cold.

I want to be with the person,
who always comes through to me,
the person who somehow,
against all odds,
makes a miracle.