There I go again, hands to my face, sinking deep, way bottom where ocean-less ties rip you apart.
Lost all meaning, to life, to live.
To love is now madness and hate is my deceit.
I stay pitiful in my thoughtless mind, where my black dreams, leak.
Pour into nothingness.
The emptiness cascades and to the void I become.

They say, look into the mirror, tell yourself good things and be positive.
I stare into my empty soulless eyes...
I see death.
I see darkness.
I see hollow shadows carving my skin.
Under my eyes, is exhaustion.
Faintly fatigue.
Pits of gory sadness staying attached to me.

The depression I live in, the depression I’ve lived in my whole life, it became who I am.
Being unwanted, used, unloved, abused, tormented, rejected, hurt, broken, useless, thrown away, kicked out, misunderstood, defeatless, weak...
IS THE PAIN OF WHO I AM NOW.

I try drowning myself, it feels too difficult, I lift my head out of the water gasping for air.
The medication, the overdoses, all ended up having me in hospital, still alive, unfortunately.

As I was born to die, why do I exist?
I am nothing.
I am empty.
I am dark.
I am useless.
I am alone.

I don’t trust people.
I don’t even trust myself anymore.

To live through hurt and getting broken by someone else is not something I can go through anymore.
I’ve made that choice, to live my whole empty shallow life as a lost loner.

Since everyone leaves, the only person I have is myself, no matter how much I hate her.
She’s a monster, the ****** devil.
I hate her.

When I look into my eyes, I see nothing.

Maybe a little,
where one is dark, and one is light yet.
There they are.
the place where it meets the middle.

Where the sun dips down and kisses
the shadows,
and in the middle, there they are,
the colors,
the oranges, the pinks, the blues,
the reds,
until it’s a seamless line of completion.

Sappy and happy,
My insides glow with emotion,

No flames on hold,
Roaring, soaring,
Competing,
With the Texas heat,

Temperatures rise,
Hearts accelerate,
Start to pound,

Palms sweat,
Pants wet,
Mouth dry,

Animal instinct,
Takeover,
As we collide,

In another dimension,
Of passion,
And prose,

That satiate our senses,
Down to our toes.

O Self! Why feel thus conflicted?
Hast thou such hypocricy
To consider thyself outside the predicted?
O thou ego of utter aristocracy...

O Self-righteous self in me
Blinded art thou so intense?
What extent thou can't see
Your anger makes no sense!

O my, my, my... EGO...
What makes it so different for you?
Accusations of attrosity, wrong and woe
Yet the very same thing, you yourself do!

An adaptable morality indeed
Ethics subject to personal need...