Our Insomniac love
It never ends;
Back and forth,
Back and forth,
Again, Again, Again;
Where could you possibly be going with this?
Are my pitiful feelings never enough?
Why must you make my eyes see this ******* of your true colors,
Fondling my sight with your words.
I'm only as foolish as a ******* mother;
What excuse is that?

Not sure if you're a insomniac?




Try sleeping on it!

It was just like any other sunny day,
Everything the same.
The same lazy mornings,
Shuttling through the signals,
And we meet,
To make me realize
It is not just like any other sunny day!!!

And you go,

"Perhaps this is the last time we meet"

And along with you went

My sleep,  yes,
Am an insomniac now..
My smile,  yes,  
Been so long my ****** muscles relaxed..
My joy, yes,  
Joy is just a word now..
My heart,  yes,
Am just a creature now..
My brain, yes,
I can't think anymore..
My senses, yes,
I can't feel anymore..
And above all,
My soul, and yes,
I don't live anymore..

And you thought,

IT WAS JUST YOU WHO LEFT!!

Where has my lover gone?
Disappeared in the night
I crave to hold her close.
But for now, I will sit up.

The red numbers on the clock tick by
Sometimes minutes feel like hours,
Other times seconds.
Pain is driven into my eyes
But I do not close them.

I begin rocking back and forth
Simply for something to do.
Twirling my hair into odd styles
And trying to obtain night vision
Opening my eyes really wide.

I take out a bottle of pills
Pouring a handful out
Counting them, placing each to my lips
But for tonight
I return them to the bottle.

It’s only 4am
But I’m playing with a knife.
Tossing it in the air
Trying to catch it by the handle
In the black of the night.

Once I’m bored of that
I stare out my window
Praying for the sun to rise.
I rest my head on the pillow
And stare at the wall for an hour.

The sun is rising.
Most people wouldn't know it yet
But it has gotten slightly brighter in my room
So I take advantage and try to write by the light
But fail to see my words.

Laying back down I listen.
My kitten purring, sleeping at my side.
The fans spinning keeping the house cool
Subtle creaks of the foundation.
The dog whining in his sleep.

Oh sleep, my love,
Why do you avoid me?
I’m breaking down.
I can’t go on without you much longer.

Forgive me for avoiding naps as a child.
Is this my punishment?
To never sleep through the night?
What have I done to deserve this?
I’m going mad without you!

Can you at least give me love from another?
Somebody to stay awake with,
To comfort and hold me?
Maybe then I’ll be at peace enough to sleep.

I hear people around me use the term loosely
“Oh I didn’t sleep well last night,
I must have insomnia.”
Even as a child I didn’t sleep a full night,
You chose to stay up and use the computer.
The few times I do sleep
Are usually when I’m drugged.

I've cried from exhaustion
I've purged at night
Hoping it would make me fall asleep.
I've tried working out all day.
Pills. Teas. Working on a paper.
Nothing works.

I will keep my arms open
In hopes my lover will return.
Sleep, my savior
Come back to me.
I need you.

I pulled an all-nighter.
For an insomniac
That doesn't seem like
Such a great thing,
But there's a difference.
Staying up all night
Because I can't fall asleep
Is immensely different
From staying up
Because I'm trying not to sleep.
And you know that as an insomniac
I love sleep
Because it's so fleeting
Like whispers of wind
Slipping through my fingers--
Practically impossible to grasp!
And despite this...

I pulled an all-nighter
*Because I was waiting for you.

Focusing on the energy I feel,
Here I lie awake this nite,
Wondering how I could possibly sleep,
With the subtle glow of the moons lite?

She’s whispering my name,
As she brightly shines, fully aglow,
But not to be heard out loud,
It’s a calling deep within my soul,

Now she’s gotten me out of bed,
And pulled me thru the door.
In the twilight of the nite, standing face to face,
I know there’s something more

Out past the haunting glow of city lites,
Out into the great wide open,
I’m feeling big and small at the same time,
A peace, a oneness that doesn’t come often

And it feels so ******* good to live
And breathe it in with endless lungs
As my soul flutters in rejoice
My body numbs, I fully succumb

The pond here is completely still
A flawless reflection of every star in the abyss
The earth and sky are a mystic one
A rejuvenation I’m glad to not have missed

Walking deeper thru the forest
I find the creek hidden out of sight
Here I wash my face
As I bathe in the moonlight

I lay myself out to dry
In a padded bed of clovers
Tie a mountain rose up in my hair
And band it over and over

The sun comes up
As I say goodbye my friend
As long as you return to my night
Our companionship will not end

I'm filled up to the brim again.
Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually
although they may end that way,
these things have not felt like an ally to me.
For as long as I've been awake, they cause a flurry
of mental puking, physical fatigue, emotional suicide,
and spiritual confusion.
It's one of those nights where sleeping
would be as pointless as waking up.
True, I could pass the time by going for a walk.
but it would just end with me
sitting next to the road saying, "Just a few steps.
It shouldn't hurt for long..."
I can attempt to explain everything
but I simply grow dizzier and my stomach twists
When I kissed you again,
with a year and a half of not speaking behind us,
My lungs simply shut and my heart sank into my stomach.
It was a long day, but it was the best day I've had in a long time.
I'm sure I know you.
You always seemed a lot like me.
We both had out fears.
It felt like it was you and I against the world
But now it feels like you're a part of the world
Yes it does bother me, But I can't tell you how to live your life.
And if they ask, just tell your friends,
"He's an over-thinking, depressed, **** who's losing everything he was hoping he would still have."
Knowing that it's you is different.
It shouldn't bother me as much as it does.
You shouldn't worry about me, you shouldn't be sorry either
I'll just save the words for when you come down.
Go out with your friends, it is Friday after all.
It took everything I had to keep from screaming.
But then they would know for sure.
I'd rather have a true reason to be depressed
rather than just saying "I don't know" when someone asks
I'm not sure if the spiders are keeping me awake
or it's the lack of an "off" button on my mind.
I can't remember exactly what I dreamed of
but I can tell that it was a nightmare.

Sorry I can tell I got off track there
If no one is going to help, just give me enough to numb me
for the rest of summer