i am a light sleeper                                              
    who wakes before my alarm
but  i have my own personal Witching Hour
a gape                                                    
    when­ I am utterly unguarded      
        and vulnerable  to serpent enemies

it's then that they broach and whisper me suggestion
it's then that i whimper like an abused and receptive whelp
then that i devolve into a manipulatable child of therapy
it's then that weights are stacked upon my chest      
    and my breaths become short  pinned  and pained

even with my wife and child to my side                            
they patiently poison me  with measured pipette drops
run them down a string like spittle
bitter mushroom down the back of my throat                  
and dreams warp toxic like cellophane near a fire
and what visions !
warrens of vivid insecurities as loved ones                        
strip their gloves  and get to work ripping out the pegs
with twisted mocks  tocking noggins              
         and flails of humiliation oiling apart
               the mechanism of my meaning

they look at their watches   time is up
they leave with their instruments      
make idle chit-chat on their way out
lock the front door with the spare key
and place the key back under the mat

I try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
But still
I'm not
Enough

I am me and not what others see me

I was confident, with a glowing smile,
A passion inside that could light up a mile.
I made everyone around me shine,
Focused, steady, with dreams to define.

Like a stream pulling fish with ease,
I knew I’d achieve greatness, piece by piece.
From the ground up, I’d build my way,
Until someone came and led me astray.

They made me question what I’d become,
Small and unsure, my thoughts would succumb.
How strange it feels to think you’re free,
Yet chained by what others want you to be.

I lost myself, or so I thought,
In battles my heart and mind had fought.
Something unchangeable, something innate,
A struggle I couldn’t fully escape.

But now I see what was hidden inside—
The real me, no longer denied.
The one who smiled and spread delight,
Who held his dreams in the darkest night.

The person who helped me see this truth
Is gone, yet left behind their proof.
And now I know, clear as can be,
I am me and not what others see me.