I wandered for a moment, surrounded by the white tunnel
In which I smelt the metallic tang from stainless steel
Travelling in the open air.

Glancing, I saw the disarray: nurses dashing in assistance, paramedics charging through the gaping doors with emergency cases
And doctors immersed in the plight to save lives.

I slid a door open,
Discovering an image so brief and profound,
A man, varnished with red, ached as it
Dripped through his hair -
Hesitantly, he settled sideways,
You could see his hurts were spinal.

He had fallen from an engine,
Dragged along the grating metals,
And as he lay, half sentient -
To his bed came a woman,
Who stood and sighed,
Her lips were writhen
As the sun had risen.

How desolate it was,
As she lied near the thundering waterfall of his heart,
Only to realise,
They were on the eve of their marriage.

Once upon a time
I came into this world
Where I've made bad decisions
and wrong choices.
Where I don't like everything.
Where everything's different
than my expectations.
Where my strength seemingly
lost beneath the shadows of my soul.
Where I had trusted the
wrong people once again.
Where everything I do,
I am at loss.
I find myself standing no where.
I cannot achieve my dreams
So, I have to dare myself.
Dare myself to dream.
To fly high and high
in the starry sky.
I have to stand again
to make a change in my life.
I have to let the colors of
my heart take command
that " Yes, this time I will. "
I have to paint myself in a picture,
where I am nourishing my soul.
Where I am reaching my dreams.
Opening up my heart
and letting go all
the sorrows and grief
from the past one year I have endured.
Closing my eyes
and searching for self love
which can make my soul glow.
Telling myself once again
that everything starts with me.
One warm hug can make me
full of life and energy
to appreciate myself more
for all those mistakes
I have made.
I found myself reflecting
on the memories of the past.
And I wish I could hold my broken self
in my shattered hands.
Strengthen myself and
wash away my all fears,
Give the world around me
peace and happiness.
So, my innerself can once again know
that I still have time for
the breaths I have yet to take.
For all those unwrapped memories,
I still have to unfold.
For those passions, secrets and dreams
I have yet to discover.
I have strength in me for all
the new adventures of my life.
I know, destiny is strange with
its twists and turns.
I've learned that I still have to
learn a lot.
Again, I am going to live this day
like the first time.
I make promise to myself
that I will make the most
of the moments again and again.
Maybe I will mistakes again
for the first time.
But I will smile,
I will feel hurt and cry old tears.
I will try for myself again.
I will pray to ALLAH for
guiding me on they right way.
After the completion of every year
On a special day of my birthday.
I will write something again to
encourage myself for the next year.
I will write some words to
heal my injured soul
with the bruises of last year.
I will console my soul.
The birthday girl
on her birthday will
appreciate her soul
and gather courage
to complete one year more
with the words " In Sha Allah"
on her lips.

A little girl danced to a song
her world small and nothing wrong
And in that instant she knew that she
a dancer she would always be
Her dream since the tender age of five
she knew that she must work and strive
Stumbling, falling, she fell to the ground
hurting herself severely she found
Years later it was all just a dream
everything went back to normal it seemed
And then one day she hurt it again
but still she pushed on and didn't let it win.

For long months she endured and toiled
the pain refusing to be foiled
They all tried to make it heal
but it wouldn't, and her fate it sealed
Keeping it hidden from everyone close
even the ones she loved the most
For she was scared and very angry
didn't want to lose her dream you see
When it was all too much to shoulder
she caved in and the world turned colder.

They told her she would have to quite
her heart a candle no longer lit
She stopped breathing as the world froze
blinking numbly she arose
Sitting backstage as her music played
mutely staring as the future was made
And then the music ended
and all the dancers ascended
As she sat thinking, "is this real?"
"Why God? I just want it to heal."
Tears frozen in her eyes
as she desperately wished it was lies
Picking up a flower from the floor
all that was left of what was before.

Holding herself alone at night
the crying girl a broken sight
Losing her dream was the hardest thing
her voice she found no longer sang
What would she do now that its gone?
a uncaring façade she would have to don
All that was left was memories
she wished the unending pain would just cease
The poor little girl learned to soon
that the world was harsh and full of gloom
The hardened girl still remembers
a life she had, now ashes and embers.

She'll never forget but she will let go
telling her precious dream farewell
To this day it still hurts
but she's stronger now when it wont desert
I know this girl very deeply
because you see
its really
me.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

a magician never reveals their
tricks to the joker is what you’d
told you that sunday night last
september as you had sloppily
crashed into a river and made
both of our cold bones shiver.
we both knew this was not a
typical drive down the road
because you had broken the
moral code and would soon
be toad while i lay with still
bones and a frantic call home
on a stretcher in the back of
an ambulance with hands
holding my body together
as you asked the police to
give you a moment so you
could have a breather and
a smoke or two because
you knew you were through.
they asked if you wanted to
leave me alone and head
down to the police station
and you just shrugged like
this was not your creation
because your court costs
were more expensive than
the knowledge of my pain
and i wished I had caught
that last sunday night train
instead of drinking with you
in the rain and making fog
against the window pane.
i was told not to move as
i waited for the helicopter
and you were pushed up
against the side of a cop
car and cuffed with angry
resistant will and the tears
spilled down hard and fast
from your pretty little face
because for once i would
not save your ****** ***
and get you out of this gory
mess that had turned your
sunday best into a disgrace
and made my bones buckle
and cry out for some rest
for they had been pressed
and strained under the now
drowned window pane with
blood creating a vivid stain.
your head ducked down as
you were pushed into the back
of the car and you glanced up
to see my motionless mangled
body watching from afar.
how’s that for a date night?
you laughed as the tube
down my throat made me
cough and the police officer
gave you a stern look before
slamming the door on your
smirking face so hard that
the car shook like my body
did with hollow echoing sobs
that made my eyes run like the
river that had made both of us
shiver as you had claimed that
the joker would always deliver
even if the magician would not
reveal their spells for the joker
had his own secret way to hell.

At least you knew who I was
And managed a smile
There was comfort in that
For both of us

But you didn’t know my name
You have always known my name
You have always been my mother
Now, it seems, I am yours

There is no comfort in that
For either of us