I do not care if
you do not love me,
for I have stored all the colours and
traced the secrets of your steps.

Your arm around my shoulder
is the first moment of the first sunrise
radiance caressing frozen webs of spider silk,
silver glory emanating golden dew.

I know no other way but
nor do I want for more, only to will
you stay; hang suspended on
backdrops of my blackest night.

So I do not care if
you do not love me;
I treasure that weakness enough
for the both of us.

can't breathe
want to leave
have to quit
can't do it
just a broken thing
a phone that doesn't ring
i'm worn out
want to cry and shout
someone end it please
i have an interior disease
pull the trigger
can't do it my self
go figure.

I was just an obsession to you
A hobby, a toy
That you could play with one day
exploit all of its wonders
see what it could give to you
And the next day just casually toss in a shadowy attic
To be forgotten
To be found far in the future
Old, and dusty
Not broken, just dark from disuse
and abandonment

This is what you thought of me
This is how you treated me
Like a novelty, a child's toy
I can't believe I fell for your casual ways
The way you made me feel special
But I was never special
I was just another brief obsession of yours
A curiosity
I drew your attention, piqued your interest
But now you've found a new toy to play with
And I'm left here collecting dust

I've always felt inadequate
less important than everyone else
if I wasn't there, no one would notice
I could say nothing
and no one would care
this feeling is one I try to
keep buried deep inside
away from view
I like to act like I don't care
like everyone else is lame
and
I'm just too cool for them
but I know what it really is
I'm not as cool as them
I'm not ridiculously funny
or clever
I'm not smart and rare
I'm not special
I don't sing
I don't drink
I don't have a best friend
I don't do anything
or go anywhere
because I have no friends
I don't fit in
and even when I thought I found
people who were just like me
I still felt alone
I was still alone even in the group
whether they meant to single me out
or not
it still hurt all the same
I give up on ever feeling good enough
it only feels like lying

Our thoughts of doubts are traders
for making us think we cant retain and obtain what we want
leaving us in fear..
We question to attempt and even try.

no matter where i look
i can see my inadequacy
reflected in
everything i do
everything i say

everyone is worse off
with me around
why can't i just fix myself
permanently

if someone else isn't
breaking me
i am

Sometimes, love is not enough