Counting down the years brings me affliction. Your name, voice and remembrance ain't dwindling. Your memories are stirred in my soul like a principal necessity that builds up a body. The difference is I am perhaps not growing but just adhere to past, to you, in your silhouette. Everyday I try your number with a hope of 'Hello' which is a hallucination in a mirage. But it never dies. It never kills my fingers to run back to you, even though it is mere starless. Letting others know about you led me to this point in life that I regret trusting the idiom 'blessing in disguise ' into human personification. I have enveloped you anonymously  in my words that the world will never know till it ends. And that you are so much safe now. But very, very sadly rescued after losing you. Alive in prosody.

Missing you,
is like my second nature now,
But on the day we meet again,
I know,
We will pick right from where we paused,
And will walk together our journey,
Hand-in-hand

Yes, I can't forget the one person who understood me better than anyone.
I can't forget a girl, brunette as I, with the same goofy personality.
Made friends under the oddest circumstances.
I thought it was love at first sight. But maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Yes, I miss you, my best friend. Us against the world.
I can't forget us laughing late at night at stupid things.
Making memories under the best conditions.
I thought what we had was beautiful. But, what we had, is lost.

I always chose you, but this time, you didn't choose me.
Aching in pain, you chose the neutrality while I drowned in the negativity.
Trying to move on from the past of scarred memories.
I thought you loved me, maybe more than him.

He used me, he abused me, he killed me.
I'm buried beneath, he's killed me. And I thought I could live.
But you chose him over me. Your best friend. Your sister.
Do you miss me as I miss you?

I can't recover from that. I can't recover from this.
Yes, I miss you. But, I don't want you anymore.
As he showed me his true colors, so did you. As I drowned in the hues of blue and purple.
Your ghost still haunts me, luckily more than his.
Is that a good thing? Maybe, maybe not.

I died and you chose to ignore the cause. You accepted it, I didn't.
I hope you're happy without me.
Even if this ghost is unhappy without you. I have to be happy without you.

Goodbye, V.

a dream in which
i finally was enveloped in your arms again
being held tightly
the dreams are getting more frequent
with the idea that my one chance to see you this year
will be ripped away from me
i want to write songs with you again
i want to see your perfect smile
and listen to you talk about
your anxieties with me like i'm an old friend
why must you live so far
why must we be years apart

i miss you

I still don’t know the color of your eyes
They go from gray to green to blue
You like cold showers and clear skies
And I like crawling into you

I get so caught up in the endless sea
I don’t notice when my lips turn blue
The psychedelics take over me
My fingertips numb from touching you

A violet girl with tangerine dreams
Can’t ever pull off those shades of blue
My tired blue boy in baby blue jeans
I almost dyed for you

i promise i don't want to get back with you but at the same time i want to talk to you, to hear you and to spend my time with you. is that alright? or do i sound in love? the scary part is that i don't want to love someone who's going to break me again