I've always been the strong one. When everything goes wrong, I'm always the one that tries to make everyone feel better. No matter what the situation is. I've always been this way. Never let anyone see me cry. They will think I'm weak. I have to be strong. Even as a child. Growing up the way I did was hard. So hard. But I handled it. I stayed strong. Like I always do. Ive always bottled the emotions. Wait until no one is around to let them out.  It's as if my catch frase is "I'm okay." And I always say that because I know that no matter how I feel at the moment, I will be okay. I don't have any other options.  I have to be okay. I always have to be okay. I can't be weak. I can't be fragile. I can't be afraid.  I have to be strong. No matter what. This is how I've lived my entire life. But now... After this... I can't do it anymore. I just cant. I tried so hard to stay strong. But I couldn't fight back the tears. So I ran to be alone. I couldn't let them see what they've done to me. Run. Cry. Even if only for a minute. Then put on the strong face again. Because I can handle anything, right? At least thats what I thought.... It's been days now. I can't keep hiding these feelings. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams. So I wait until everyone is asleep, and take a shower. No one can hear me cry or see my tears under the water.  I don't know what else to do. Im trying so hard to be okay but, I'm just... Not. I'm terrified. I'm angry. I'm crushed. I'm falling apart. I'm not okay.

How are you?
I'm fine.

Liar.
How?

You just are.
Oh.

It's just when do I get to talk to you?
Why don't we talk everyday anymore?

......
Why won't you answer?
......


How are you?
I'm fine.

Liar. Your pants is on fire.
How?

It just is.
Oh.

It's just when do I get to talk to you?
Why don't we talk everyday anymore?


......
Why won't you answer? Say something, please?!
......


How are you?
I'm fine.

Are you sure?
You already know. I tell you all the time.

........
I'm sorry. I won't tell you what's wrong anymore.

life
no
maybe
flowers and sunshine
light green trees
why? because life is one big spinning wheel of happy and sad
the flowers shine in the dark glowing softly against the green grass
i don't know what I'm righting but oh well
words scribbled on old paper drawn with an old crayon
life death nonononono yes? no
okay
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
just kidding
I'm not  
time to bow and leave the stage with a fake grin plastered on my face
goodnight

I know.
It's sad knowing that I love others more than I love myself.
I hate to see others in pain.
But when it comes to me
I'm fine.
I know.
Saying I'm fine is a girl's biggest lie. I know.
I am not fine
I hide all my agony in the words I'm fine.
Honestly, I hold in a lot.
When I'm upset, I really don't like to tell anyone.
Especially the person who made me that way.
No matter how much anyone asks,
The answer will always be "I'm fine."
Even if it's not true.
I know.
The truth may hurt for a little while,
But a lie hurts forever. I know.
That's what I tell all who I care about.
I know.
I care too much about people that don't give a **** about me.
I know.
If you care too much you are going to get a **** load of hurt.
I know if you never care you will never learn the life lesson.
I know.
I see it all,
Everyday.
I know
I try not to focus so **** much on needing someone,
And focus on being the one someone needs.
I know I am blind.
I know I'm afraid.
And it hurts that I can't be.
What everyone wants
Or that anyone needs
And it hurts that I can't be
What I want or what I need
Because I'm not enough
I won't be enough
And I'll never be close to enough
And I'm just so **** tired.
But guess what?
I'm fine.

Hey, love
I'm sorry if I hurt you -
if it means anything, I still think of you,
every time I wake and before I sleep.
But, I can't tell you how I feel,
for I know it's the last thing you want,
so whenever you ask how I'm doing,
I'll always reply with,
"I'm fine/good"
and never,
"I don't know, I'm kinda missing you a lot and regret what I did greatly..."

We're just people
it's the sad truth
we lose our minds
and don't know
what to do
where to go
what to say
to you?

You're hard for me
to expose myself to
because I don't want
you to see through me

Because honestly
underneath my boring
exterior, I'm really sad.
and it's like you don't know
but I am
and there's nothing that you
or anyone else could really do
that'd change that fact
The fact that I'm literally
going no where
I'm a walking piece of nothing.

Its not hard for me to push my emotions away
Because it's so hard for me to show them
They're already so deep inside
That it doesn't take much
They are easily hidden
I suffer in silence
I don't want anyone to worry about me
Im fine Im ok
I don't do it anymore
Its over I'm fine
All lies
But its easier for you to hear
To think everything is fine