Everyone tells me I'm gorgeous
That I have stunning features to die for,
But I must have gone blind,
Because I can't see them anymore.

When I know they're being honest,
I still think it's a lie,
I look into the mirror
I'm so ugly I want to cry.

I see a disabled person,
Or someone who's lost their arm or knee,
I see much potential in them
But can't see it in me.

Why is it my vision is impaired?
And I can't marvel at what others view
Why do I contend with myself
And see so much beauty in you?

The measurements will never be right
The numbers on the scale will never be small enough
The clothes are always too big or too tight

Eating anything is eating too much
Excuses like I already ate and such
Until I'm pretty there is something more important to feed

They won't like me unless I run
Mile after mile it is never enough
Try to convince myself that it's fun
To push my limits even if it's tough

I never look right
Nothing is flattering
I'm not going to fight
That my hope is shattering

I got thinner and they started to talk
The compliments came
They don't know the road I had to walk
I have no one to blame

I wanted to starve
Like it wouldn't do me harm
They dont notice when I skip meals
Until I show the pain on my arm

I need friends not food
Not thinking about it is key
I just cant change my mood

They know what's going on
But they will never know how deep
The knife goes when I see something wrong
Then again depression will start to seep

Every time I eat I feel like I fail
After there is always a blood trail
I won't eat until I’m frail
I really do despise The Scale

Suddenly my hat

flies up, how ridiculous --


I am standing here.

I sketch my face
The unusual silhouette created by my hair
Whispy pieces blowing in my face
Resting on my chubby cheeks
That do protect my lips graceful arch
My noses flat tip

I fill in the colour
My skin red as I blush
Mixed with my natural warm yellow tones
That hide beneath the surface

I wore no makeup
No foundation or bronzer
No concealer or highlighter
No lip gloss or eyeshadow
Bare skin looking back at me

I paint an image of my face
It does not look the same as the one I Invision
I wonder if I'm a bad artist
Or have never seen my true self before

The wall stood heavy,
It separated epos in the tale.
Cuts and stains; all around,
Didn't yield to the strongest gale.

They claim the walls were always there;
Before the initiation of time.
Though veiled, unknown, and silent still,
They shaped the lustrous dime.

The breaking of the wall began,
Harmony grew on both sides.
Then came the old guards
An agony of backward tides.

Mirror mirror on the wall
Reflect my sorrows reflect them all
And when I cry when I scream
Reflect the way I think of me

Mirror mirror on the wall
Reflect the way in which I fall
But catch my teary eyes in sight
My eyes of gold reflect the light

Mama is bad
she doesn't look
at my painting
she hides her eye

behind the camera
and in her mind she makes
her own painting
of me

another Helena of me
with blood on her hands
an angry ******
with a cool belly

for hot men
a Confident-Blue
belly despite the voyeurs
at mummy's exhibition

who think they see me
while they fantasise
about a 'fille fatale'
pleasing them

Sometimes I hate my body
But sometimes I feel like a hottie
It's unpredictable how I feel
The feeling of hated can easily steal
It feels like such a crime
But I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time
To relearn to love myself again
Maybe I'll feel like a ten
Having something of my own
Wishing I didn't feel so alone
To feel more confident in that bikini
Sometimes I wish I was just a little more skinny
It's hard for me to see other girls look the way I want to look
But in the end I don't want jealousy in my book
They say the prettiest thing a girl can wear is confidence
I wish I had more of that.