Flowed, the stillness,
Flamed, the sinfulness,
Engulfed, the holiness,
Edged, the tenderness,

Lulled, the illness
Leaned, the lightness
Surged, the doubtlessness,
Sparkled, the wilderness,

Colored, the coldness,
Collided, the casualness,
Tamed, the loneliness,
Torched, the goodness,
Dumped, the steadiness,
Drifted, the faintness,
Bloomed, the apartness,
Burned, the angleness,

had I housed pieces of music
of salvation in depth
of constellation in paradise.
of darkness, of thee.

i tried to drink
my feelings away
until i nearly drowned
but their grief,
patient as a vulture,
kept waiting for me
even at the gates
of the afterlife.

This sorrow,
This song can't pierce.
This sorrow
Is rock-hard water.
It is two rooks
Fire and air each -
I feel their fingers
Dig under my arms
And make me fly.
This sorrow
Is my patience.

It's all I've ever had.

Do you see this community of souls
Clad in tattered rags of light?

This is my family.
Some of us are broken.
Some of us are healing.
We are all damaged.
But unlike those in the outside world
Who judge us,
Even spouses and siblings,
Teachers and preachers,
Each with a tongue
Like a judge’s gavel,
We never judge one another.
We each give kindness.
We each give compassion.
We hold out a hand.
We love.
We laugh.

Do you see this community of souls?
This is my family.

Who knew
The seventh floor of hell
Holds a view
Of red roofs,
A curl of saltwater,
A distant tower crane,
Baker over all.

Molecules of
Oxy and ethanol
Fall from receptors.
Blood levels plummet.
Straight down to ground
I gaze,
Contemplate
A fall to end it all,
A plummet into grace?
An end to suffering
Forever.

Through seven gates
Flows
Our self of such illusion.
Best not to close those gates
Oneself.
The finger of time
After all
In but a blink
Will flick them closed.
Blessed then comes
Reawakening of True Self,
Remembrance of true birth,
In the Timeless Realm
Of a million gates,
And no gates at all.

And in seven days
I learn to cut meat
With a plastic fork
And a plastic spoon.

I sit in the waiting room, tap tap tapping away with my foot, my brain simply incapable of slowing down. I have been in here for days, weeks, hours really, my body sinking deeper into this uncomfortable chair. I bite at my thumbnail, chewing it raw until it breaks skin. The room without windows and only two doors, one to go away and never be helped, and one for the doctor, who doesn't exactly help anyway. I sit there tap tap tapping away with my foot, waiting, waiting, waiting…

“Next!” calls out the only staff I have seen since arriving, she scratches notes into a paper, the ink seems to bleed like a ****. I stand and walk up, I am the only patient left, perhaps it is my turn? She looks up apologetically and begins the torrent of questions.
“Have you filed your paperwork weeks in advance?”

Yes.

“Have you made an appointment, and traveled the four hours out of state to see the one specialist close enough to drive?”

Yes.

“Have you filed with insurance that hardly covers anything you really need?”

Yes, can I go in now?

“Not just yet dearie, wait a little while!”

I sit back in the chair and wait, wait, wait, my foot tap tap tapping away.

Hours, seconds, minutes, the room fading away.

“The Doctor will see you now.” the nurse says, with a smile. I walk right past, into the second door, though my heart is screaming for me to run out the first.

Sitting at his desk, the Doctor barely glances at me as he waves to the chair.

“What seems to be the problem?”

I try to remember, to muster up the words, to pick and choose the worst of the problem. I want to mention how my brain is too fast, never ceasing to sleep or eat or stop at all, I must mention how my foot never seems to stop tap tap tapping away when I sit with nothing to do, I should tell him about the hours becoming days weeks months in the blink of an eye and then they are gone, I will explain to him how the way I talk doesn't seem to make sense to people, I want to show him my fingers, all snarled and chewed from my biting and worrying.

Well Doctor, it started like this;

I was normal once, like you and the others, I used to be able to sit for hours without tap tap tapping away and chewing my fingers, and losing all time in the blink of an eye. I used to be perfectly normal and everything was ok.
Then for some odd reason, I started to do all these silly things, affecting my life and ruining myself. Doctor, I used to be perfectly normal.
I remember once, i was ok, able to sit and not fret or fray, Doctor I promise I don’t mean to rhyme, it’s simply something that happens sometimes.

The Doctor sighs “It's plain to see, I know what's wrong with your memory. You have the mind of a poet, a heart filled with pain, your veins redirected it, it's now in your brain. There isn’t a cure, you’re stuck for a while” The doctor gave me a notebook, a pen, and a smile. “Write down your thoughts, your words everyday, you may not remember but I think that's ok. Take these home, and you will find, it might just help with your poet's mind.”

I took the notebook, the pen, and tried to smile, I walked out the first door and stood for a while. I got in my car as the rain started pouring, I took out my supplies and started my story:

“I sit in the waiting room, tap tap tapping away with my foot, my brain simply incapable of slowing down.”